After the Parade

After the Parade

She's posted twice

Up from zero

More confident

After the parade?

I still do not hear from her and

Suspect she is not ready to deal with

Insecurity about how

A mother might react

To a decision to cut off

Body parts

If that's what she is working towards

But how would I know.

I do not think I have given cause

For her to doubt my progress

Toward acceptance of a new daughter

Where once there was a son

I have changed what I call her

I have changed how I view

The flexibility this generation shows

With embracing identity as an act

Of total freedom

I have begun to view it as a strength

And a sign of the pioneering creativity

Of the young

But how should I know.

It may be a trough

As the cultural archeologist found

In his longitudinal research

Happens when people alter archetypal roles

Only to have the society revert back

To the dominant paradigms

After it falls

He mapped it out through the myths

And civilizations all through HIStory

He claims to know.

It may be that the 8 to 12-year-olds

With whom I made therapeutic art

In the "behavioral health hospital"

And was required to call by

Their differently gendered

Names of choice

Were embracing a fad

But my daughter was wearing women's underwear

Secretly

At age 9

Though born a "boy"

Before the "fad"

So, who can tell.

There was one

Born a girl

Who preferred going by a boy's name

Whose parents had not given permission

To be called as he chose

Who never cried

But, at age thirteen

Insisted on a trans-friendly therapist

And the hospital had to comply

But where would they find one?

It's Kentucky, y’all.

He stayed in his room

Depressed

Lagging when it was time to come to therapy

Was given warnings

If you don't line up now

You won't be able to make art with the others

"Non-compliance" being met with a

Punitive disapproval.

And I

A lowly intern

Unable to speak up on his behalf

Had to keep my head down

While the mostly untrained

15-dollar-per-hour staff

Left him behind when it was time for group

Talked about him behind his back

As staff will do

While both of us hoped

That a therapist could be located

With the perception, attitude, and training

He required to be understood

To assure him his depression

Was not of his making

But in this blue-collar working class area

Who would know this, for a fact.

After all, the parents check these kids in

Thinking they are

Misfits

With some inherent

"Mental illness" or delusion

And since self-esteem

According to the research is fully 50% outer

Messages we receive from the environment

What our parents tell us

About ourselves

Is half the battle

A losing battle for that child

Who knew instinctively:

I need an adult on my side

Just one, please.

I would like to be that for my child

I text and call and message

I love you

And

I miss you

And

I support you

I even went out for the local festivities

On Pride Day

Invited by an old friend from high school

Who has come out

And I thought of my daughter all day

But did not call

This time

As she wouldn't have replied

And because I see a mother's role as

Understanding

That twenty-somethings will tend to ignore their parents and

Mostly want to be left alone

To break with the older generation

To forge a new path

Unfettered by traditional ties that bind.

Yet I worry as I feel the distance growing and

The less I am allowed to follow her life

That societal views of her identity

Are building that 50% into a negative

That relating to mostly only a small, supportive group of her peers

Will become a disenfranchisement

But maybe nothing like that is happening

I do not know.