Absent within reach

You said you’d be here for me

more as a friend to help me with my depression

but that was a cold blooded lie wasn’t it.

I mean you can’t even bare to talk to me anymore.

Every time I try and say something

I’m met with a one word reply

or left on opened.

You said you wanted to help and to watch me get better,

then why did you leave right when I needed

a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold

for one god damned night.

You say you initiated our end.

But how could you have

When I had to text you

Asking to talk

Of my struggles.

To be met with the end of what I thought

Had been the one thing holding me

together.

That night I lay crying

You told me pay no mind

to what you said to me when drunk

How could I not when I had a feeling

I knew what was coming.

How could I brush that off.

If I’d only held in the surge of pills

And liquor

And tobacco smoke.

how can you tell someone that you’d be there for them

Then bail on them at every sentence.

Tell them it’s not working because our timing doesn’t match.

I’d rather you have said our star signs weren’t compatible.

At least

That’s out of my control.

At least

That’s not my fault.

At least

I wouldn’t be sat here

Writing this,

Wondering what I did wrong

And how I let it get so far wrong

At least

this time

Maybe I’ll keep them down a little longer

To reach the end