Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Her

You don't deserve to be unhappy

Obviously

For that matter, neither does she

Actually

So I wish you both as much joy as can be

Sincerely

But her obstacles are anxiety

(Instability)

And bitter depression, clinically

Psychologically

She has not climbed past these far as I can see

Tragically

And that shit's contagious, emotionally

Dangerously

I started off confident back when I was free

Free as can be

But all her gaslighting and lies whittled away my sanity

Gradually

It wasn't just her pathological dishonesty

(Infidelity)

It was her self-hate that damaged me

Seriously

Early on I thought I could heal her, how foolish of me

Honestly

I was never up to the task, I should have just tried to flee

Rapidly

My self-worth took a dive, just being in proximity

Chained to she

And to her narcissistic personality

It baffles me

How and why I accepted her hostility

So foolishly

I still do believe she deserves love and peace

And empathy

Just not from me

And I fear she’ll keep coming up empty

Unfortunately

On account she still holds insecurities

Internally

She’s too self-obsessed to care really

Externally

And back when we were married

Unhappily

She used to take her self-loathing out on me

(Coping strategies)

Trying to love her meant no reciprocity

Just cruelty

And yearning for love she could never give made me hate being me

Ultimately

They say hell is other people and that's true, as you may see

Eventually

Or at least that's what I saw, constantly

Hindsight’s 20/20

And being with her I paid a high fee

Usury

Her idea of romance was predatory

Cruel and nasty

I won't say abandon all hope ye who enter her, that's too despairing

Generally

And perhaps you’ll each be exactly who the other needs

Possibly

Perhaps you’ll be perfect for each other and both very happy

Hopefully

Or maybe loving her will only ever be a tease

Misery

Because her idea of love only seems to go skin-deep

Woefully

But, I wish you both happiness and peace

Earnestly

Though I fear all I’ll feel is pity

Honestly

For any man who gets caught in her teeth

Permanently.

***

***

Authors note:

When I left my ex she said I deserved better. she kept pressuring me to get on dating apps saying she hoped I’d find someone who treated me better than she did.

But those apps felt so icky. Besides I was in no rush to find someone new, the kids are with me and they’re at a critical age so I’m really not free to date— don’t have the time or space and it’s just not a top priority.

But she was officially with her new guy the night I left her.

And when he left her little while later she got with another guy ASAP.

I want her to be happy, and I want whoever she’s with to be happy too. But I’m not terribly optimistic. I don’t really believe she’ll be able to have a happy relationship if she’s still so uncomfortable with herself.

But she’s very needy. She’s never left anyone— the pattern is guys leave her.

And I believe if she wants someone to stick around and enjoy sticking around then she needs to revise her statement to make it more introspective and accountable.

I understand her well wishes to me, but she really shouldn’t be concerned with me finding someone who treats me better than she did. Instead she should be very deliberate about her treating others better.

Less “I hope you find someone who treats you better than I did”

And more “I hope I treat my next better than I treated my ex”

So I hope she and her current guy are happy together, but it really just feels like wishful thinking because I haven’t seen her make improvements to her mental health. And as much as I feel bad for her, I really do feel worse for him.

It’s just a rough situation all around.