A New Adjustment

Well, it never goes away.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? The only thing you’ll eventually

learn to accept—if you’re lucky—

is that they aren’t coming back.

I’m sorry to see you go through this and without sounding

preachy, this isn’t my first rodeo.

What you need to do is practice understanding.

Sometimes the grief is obvious and cliche,

like a sunset or a birthday or Christmas.

But don’t let yourself have a bad birthday, or a bad Christmas.

Make a new tradition—but celebrate

or else you’ll assign a negative emotion with the day.

But god damn, let yourself have a shit Tuesday.

Let the grief you don’t understand—

the kind that shows up like an uninvited relative—

wash over you on a random day of the week.

Let it intertwine with a bad day at work, something forgettable

and easy.

Don’t let it perch on your shoulders like a two-ton parrot.

If it makes you want to have a drink,

then have a drink with friends who make you laugh,

and turn the sour bittersweet.

If you want to be alone, then do it outside

where you can tell the trees while they shade you

from the spotlight of eternity.

If you have a therapist then let them know.

If you can’t afford one, write it in a journal

and never look at it again.

It’s the most beautiful pain you’ll ever feel.

It’s love still left to give so give some to yourself

and maybe to those friends who know how to make you laugh.

Give it to a piece of art that shows your mother’s soul.

Give it to a garden and watch the best memories bloom in Spring.