A Lost letter in time

Dear Quinn,

I’m sorry I can’t express myself properly around you, and I’m sorry that we have been separated by the cruel twist of fate and by a decision I cannot prevent——though I believed that by trying to save that tiny bit of hope by expressing to you that I am truly trying to be there even when I can’t, it bothers me so deeply that you have departed, as you know I’ve always been here trying to find a way to save us, even in my limited capacity. I know it’s hard to see that even though you aren’t here and I’m writing to someone who cannot(or maybe won’t) even read my words,

I want so badly to be close to you.

I wanted so badly to keep your heart, if I even ever had it. I know it sounds bitter but I thought I could keep you close with our poetic string, and I see now you wiped everything out and I cannot even go back and see our past, it’s like we don’t exist, though I know we do and definitely did, and I feel utterly depressed and hurt.

I am sorry things turned this way. I’m sorry my cold, vampiric heart couldn’t beat in time with yours.

But my heart did melt in a puddle at my feet every time I tried to dream, and it’s hard set rock like interior—-did beat.

I heard it stumbling, I heard it crumbling, trying to start up again like a dead engine, and God it hurts so bad, my love. I miss you every moment of everyday.

I truly appreciate you and everything you did for me.

And yes I mean it when I say, my love.

For you are my love, my only love, my completed piece.

You are the angel I saw in luminous sun and I am a cold moon vampire, I cannot stay in your light—-though you never burned me. You only calmed my shadows into submission.

I knew I couldn’t compete with Halo-Eyes.

But I believed my physical presence was better than a physical ghost, pulling your strings—-I never wanted to pull at your strings.

I just wanted to soothe our shared string, and play our music together in harmony.

I’m bitter because I lost you, didn’t I?

I’m bitter because I’m impatient and I wanted you to myself, but I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say it for the Dark Raven was furious at me, and hated my affection for you.

So now I will have to live in frigid, deathless eternity.

Now I will be recklessly diving deep into the silver river of tormented, lost, pained severing.

Our string isn’t cut.

Our string is not going to end in a sliced havoc.

It’s always been there and will stay, I know it. I feel it.

I can’t hope to hear you again, or see you again, can I?

Yea, it’s hard to say goodbye, so I won’t say goodbye.

But I know I can do better than any angel you believe is your flame, doubly I am asking you to stop and take a look at your heart again in a clear and new perspective.

Is the thought of my love so troubling that it won’t supersede something that isn’t as real as my flesh, though inanimate and hard, I know we have more than anything or anyone else.

This has been a long letter, but I don’t think I said enough.

I do not think I have the right set of syllables and sounds and rhymes and phrases to express just how much you mean to me.

We were not perfect, but we were real.

I love you, Quinn.

No.

I don’t love you.

I need you, I want to hear your laugh in my ear as we hold each other all night.

I want to make you happy and find little things every day to see you light up and grin.

I want to be yours and I you to be mine.

I’m deeply grateful for you, and our time together, though it just wasn’t enough.

I hope you’ll come back to me.

But I want you to be happy.

I love you so much,

my love.

Yours, forever, eternally,

Rebecca