A Letter To My Younger Selves

Dear 8 Year Old Me,

The divorce was never your fault

You didn’t jinx mom and dads relationship

They were having problems, a lot of them

None of the problems were caused by you

And there was nothing you could’ve said or done to fix them

You were a child

Dear 16 Year Old Me,

I know it's going to sound cheesy

But life does get better

I know that it doesn’t feel like that right now

But please trust me

I’m you at 21 years old

We got out of her house, got into our dream college, got published, got our drivers license

Our mom reconnected and reconciled with us

A therapist that actually cares, listens, and helps

A psychiatrist that said we should’ve been medicated a long time ago gave us the meds we need

I promise you that life does get better

So please, just hold on, a little while longer

Dear 18 Year Old Me,

Covid-19, a virus that took over everything

The isolation, being stuck at home

The sadness of the things we missed out on

But despite all of that we did it

We lived to see graduation

And we looked damn good in our cap and gown

I’m sorry to say that traveling didn’t happen for us, at this moment in time

No Costa Rica or Washington DC,

However, we are studying abroad in college,

Yes you heard right, we got into our dream school, MSU

Queen’s University in Belfast, North Ireland,

So long as we continue to work on our mental health, which we do,

I already said this to our 16 year old self,

And in saying that, I reiterate this to you,

Life does get better

We also lived to see our 21st birthday

We got drinks with our mom, our bf, Ricky, not Noah, and a close friend, Anna

And our nephew, Anna’s little boy, Alduin

Don’t fear the future

It’s an amazing journey

One that you deserve to live

Stop hiding who you truly are

Stop trying to change for people who will never accept you as you are

Just be yourself

Its okay to not like everything about yourself

Its okay to not love yourself right now

At 21, I still don’t love us, but the self hatred has stopped

And we’re starting to like ourself

Just breathe

Unclench your jaw

And stop for a minute, and take it all in

Sincerely,

Your 21 Year Old Self