A letter to Depression

I can not hide from you.

I can not run.

I can not twist and turn the tables to distract you.

I can’t.

Not any longer.

I tried to hide but you would seek me out.

I tried to run and you ran after me.

I tried to twist the very fabrics of you, but you are unchanging until I face you.

I face you because I can’t keep turning around to look the other direction in the hopes that you wouldn’t swallow me whole.

I even trusted you at times and we danced and played together as a courtship should.

I pranced through the words, “I hate you” and “you’re not enough”.

The darkened shadow that is you is now creeping at the foot of my bed.

I can not turn my head from the madness that you were.

I can’t keep turning a blind eye to what isn’t existing but still exists.

So you are sitting here.

At the end of my bed giving me the impending doom of your unexpected pounce.

I feel you every day.

I feel you trying to chip away at this frame of mine that isn’t going anywhere.

Day in and day out you wanted me,

Only to hurt me and to wish I were dead,

Just so you can take what you believe is your right to this body of mine.

This body of mine is mine.

It would be a fools game to believe you sitting at the end of my bed is going to be tolerated any longer.

Goodbye my almost lover that swallowed me whole.

Goodbye to the comfort you gave me by me knowing I was never alone.

Your hands are crafty in being alone.

You convinced me that being alone was being lonely.

On the days when all I could do was cry in your arms, you comforted me with empty words.

I lay here in terror as you no longer sit on the end of my bed.

You don’t exist,

And yet I keep making you re-appear.

The demons that you are a collaboration of were the most comforting terror of there kind.

I can’t stand the way you smell of the depths of hell,

Where you reside on the devils left side.

Taunting me with fables you spoke as truths.

I was comforted by your fondness of the sour.

I believed in my final hour my resting place would be at your feet because you are the one who has always told me I wanted to die.

I wanted to cry at the sight of you,

But I found myself found of you and the sweet sting of pain was all I ever wanted.

I believed in you and you believed that you could win.

Your confidence is of a Nobel knight,

Yet your purpose is of bitter ends and broken dreams.

You make me hear the screams from within telling me they belonged there and a life beyond what I could see, was a life you couldn’t let me see.

You taunted me with words unkind,

And I in turned believed I would always be left behind.

I waited for you on the somber nights,

And you came in with intent to kill.

How am I to be chill when you made me feel like nothing.

Away with you,

And much more beyond.

I am not to fond of whom I see before me.

I have traveled with you far to long,

It is time to go,

My sweetly sung song.

Blessings to you as you burn in hell.

Never sitting on the bedside, Nor by my side no longer.

I have gained wisdom and I am stronger.

Your comments are no match for the truth woven into the fabrics of this sacred place.

Goodbye the love of my life,

Twisted fate and broken memories.

I release you.