A letter I wrote to my best friend but never sent

Maybe you will understand what I mean,

Being a therapist and an older sister

And one who’s turned their suffering into compassion,

The way one small trigger point can disrupt your peace

For days

Especially in these small towns

But why, after driving by the house we shared

For weeks, without feeling

Does today hit different?

His cousin in the Family Dollar

The way men can flaunt the abuse of power

And people

So openly all over the TV and internet

And the women who defend them

My safety gave him access

How do I forgive that?

I stood atop a mountain yesterday and looked out

Across the burn scar, where fire

Destroyed everything for thousands of acres

All across this wilderness

That summer choked out life

I brought the kids to the river every day

To try to cool off and breathe a little

He told them to suck it up

“You don’t need your inhaler”

Get comfortable with discomfort

The world is out to get you

Never trust anyone

A friend, who wishes to stay anonymous,

Asked me to spread the news:

There’s a predator in the community

So I did

Everyone had an opinion but

Nothing changed

Do you believe in redemption?

Or justice?

I haven’t talked to the kids since

I left

But I work with teens their same age

Alchemy perhaps (or redemption?)

My own inner teen weeps

At the stories they tell me

They shouldn’t know that yet…

But I did, too

I wish I could build a castle for all of them

We would make it Hogwarts

And let the kings war out there

While we learn magic

Keep evil out with spells

It’s been 3 years since that fire burned everything black

And the sky was too dark to see

And there was no hope, only death

But yesterday, it was all emerald

The soil was black with life, rich

Dark like the womb

You could see clearly where once trees made mysteries

Wildflowers and raspberry bushes were growing

And aspens!

A million baby aspens, all fresh with new growth

Roots connecting in unseen places –

Did you know aspen groves are

The largest living organisms on Earth?

I’ll tell you a secret,

You can talk to them – and they talk back!

They told me to forgive myself

...

The teens took pictures of the clouds

Like elephants and angels

I felt so strong up there, close to heaven

Seeing what can grow from ashes