A Friend With A Secret

A Friend with a Secret

You were the kind that never asked for doors.

You came through walls, quiet.

The sort who sat through my silence,

And didn’t mind if I didn’t call it anything.

You were always there, before the word friend

I Knew it was supposed to mean something.

But there was a door, wasn’t there?

Hinges rusted shut behind your ribs.

Making sure your heart was hidden always.

You said nothing,

And I knew it.

I never asked,

But secrets have a smell.

I can sniff them out like a dog.

I felt the shift before the sentence broke.

You started walking like someone who’d seen a map.

Didn’t tell me where you were going,

Just that you had to go.

I didn’t follow,

But I kept the light on low.

Then came the letter, folded sharp,

Your name like a wound in the corner.

“I’m not who you think I am,” it said.

I am a liar, also not free. I am married

I already knew that.

Change doesn’t arrive like thunder,

It arrives like a confession.

I remember how you held my hand,

When I didn’t know what hands were there for.

Quiet, held, the floor stayed under.

Some things didn’t have to move

To keep you standing.

So I don’t call you past tense.

You’re not gone.

You are somewhere with a spine and a story to tell.

A stillness at the edge of all this mess.

Friend, secret, change and anchor.

You were all of them to me, and you still are.

Just come back and say hello,

And let me know that you still have a heart,

I miss you, every second of each day.

You knew I was hurt deeply in my past

still you lied and played narcissist games

I am hurt but still love and miss you.

I was just a rich man’s deceitful pleasure.