A Flame Still Burning

As I reach the realization that I need to commit to, "committing less"

and again, as it turns out...

my plate has never been more full‐

I am, gaslit and burned out

but the fumes from this burning paradise still rise,

only my hope has burned away.

I have much to vent, but not many means of doing so.

All I do for the betterment of my health, and myself,

what's supposed to be "good" for me...

I feel is only leading me closer, and closer to my last breath.

I've been thinking...

about jumping from the shelf

about burning something down‐

if I could be charged for my thoughts, I'd be guilty.

Seemingly unable to "turn my frown upside down"

and again, as it turns out...

unable to find relief,

as if such a concept, simply does not exist...

only a bittersweet resentment.

All I do for the betterment of my health, and myself,

all of the "right things"

I feel are having exactly the opposite of their intended effect.

I've been thinking...

that there's always something wrong

that maybe I'm just too far gone‐

and seemingly unable to prove myself wrong.

I'm afraid, all I can believe is that the term, "exhausted" is an understatement...

I'm fed up‐

from being both too tired and tied up...

torn between wanting to feel good or feel nothing at all...

only to risk my entire existence in the very next moment,

because I just wanted to feel something.

Of course, a broken heart can't afford to take any breaks‐

There's always a must, always a need...

and again, as it turns out...

the time I'm buried beneath is borrowed,

not mine to take‐

Even when I sleep,

It is only to awake and burn out again in the day that is to follow...

suffocating in the very fumes I'm running on,

Such is life, until this burning paradise finally burns out‐

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank You For Reading!!

Here are some other very similar stories of mine! :)