A CONSPIRACY OF PRICKS

An industrial-strength thumbtack surprise

Rises a full inch above its thumb-press head

On a chair seat of such nefarious devise–

A lark for brat pricks who planned it ahead

.

Perched on the waiting seat promises fruition

Of pointed, conspiracies of schemes half-baked

Scheduled to impale her in its commission

In tandem with vengeance for vengeance's sake

.

Always unlovely, scowling consanguineous

A sad children's day for those placed in her charge

A Nazi babysitterin demands obedience

To the older sister reigning cruelly at large

.

"Go to your room!" "No snacks for you!" Stand in the corner!"

They'd give her good reason to bark those mistakes

With ne'er a thought to regret it or to warn her

For preemptively setting the point they would make

.

The fascist commands only spurred them onward

To set up the camera for documentation

Of her tumultuous start once suddenly tortured

When a 1-inch thumbtack invites sedimentation

.

The laws of physics co-conspired with them, 'gainst her

T'would be gravity that'd bring her fat ass straight down

And dermal elasticity would fail and condemn her

A violent end defining a fat person's renown

.

Captured forever for sibling posterity

It would go viral when posted surreptitiously

From her own laptop to the world in perpetuity

Drawing down her bitrate and reputation suspiciously

.

The spear awaiting her bulbosity looms large

"They're all in bed, the urchins, en mass,"

She cooed as she began to moor downward her barge

With the big red X on her big widespread ass

.

She lowered herself, eased down to the seat

Where disaster lay wait to ceremoniously skewer her

Video was rolling in broadcast conceit

And tyrannized children readied to stream it to viewers

.

The ass met the tack like the rubber hits the road

Therefrom was issued a sound like none ever heard

A scream of agony like the blubber meets commode

An uncensored broadcast of four-letter words

.

Bolting upright, the tack still impaled

She heard the snickers of the imps under the bed

Sisterly love and responsible wardship failed

But the worm can had been opened, the TikTok feed fed

.

Last straws come singly, insidiously one-by-one

And this one broke the ass of a camel homicidal

It's never a good idea to piss off Nazis undone

They cross too many lines and wax fratricidal

.

The li'l bastids got their due and due'ly met their fate

With consequences considered ferociously wild

Babysitterin applied the weights to the crate

Now tacks deductions are filed for only an only child