A Christmas Depression

Not really sure that I am looking forward to Christmas this year;

Why?! Not really sure.

Could be that no one really ever over the past few years even bothered to say Merry Christmas to me even though I do say it to them.

Christmas used to be fun. Of course I still get everyone gifts, but I am never sure that they even like I give them. I try to remember it is the thought behind the gift. It still hurts when after Christmas you see the gift you bought being sold on eBay or some such site, or thrown in a corner or even left behind after a move.

To me this is a reason not to really look forward to this holiday. To me Christmas is supposed to be....

C is for Caring

H is for Hope

R is for Remembering

I is for Ideas

S is for Santa

T is for Time with Family

M is for Merry

A is for Acceptance

S is for Satisfaction of what is around you.

Really that is what I think Christmas is about with one added thought for the true meaning for me Is the All-Knowing person in the clouds along with my Mother, Father, Brother and all the relatives gone before.

I do not really fit in with the people around me now except maybe the very young and one new teen. I love everyone here but I really do not think they care one iota about me and my feelings. Sometimes I just feel that I am here for whatever they needed done chore wise.

I get tired just listening to everyone conversations for when I do try to add my thoughts they just look at me like and at times just smile or make a face. Because of that I would rather read a book for now books are my best friends.

Soon that one new teen will have new interests and be own his way, and the very young one only comes over when his people go somewhere.

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!!!!