5 Months Sober

I could be hysterical.

Tears pouring down my face and shaking a knife in the air, saying, “I was married to a rapist for three years.”

Sobbing and hyperventilating.

Turn off the lights and shut the blinds.

Lay in bed for three days.

Not brush my teeth.

Not shower.

Not be able to open my eyes without crying.

But in this world I am sober.

I feel all of this.

I will not go to the bar, get hammered, and order a bag of coke.

Won't stay up all night talking shit with strangers.

Acting solely on ego.

In this world I am sober.

I feel everything.

I don’t know what I feel but I know it’s sad.

I’m nauseous.

I have the shakes.

All I do is smoke cigarettes and drink coke.

The best part of my life is my dog.

I have a higher power.

Everything else I question.

I don’t know anything.

But I’ll accept it.