4:30am thoughts

Early Morning paying for bad decisions,

Choking on mistakes remembered from the night before.

Seeing all my imperfections laid out on the bedroom floor.

I'm not who I once was,

Does that make me more or less?

Is this still about my future or

Have I been lost in all the mess?

I once knew just what I wanted,

Clear and cut like a diamond necklace.

But now I've woken up, lost in a world

Just like Alice.

I fell down a rabbit hole,

Took a path to a whole new world.

But they urge me back to reality,

Maybe I was born for Madness?

Books on the shelf call my name,

Words on my lips burn to be sang,

But the Cheshire cat stole my tongue

And my tears fall down in bitter pain.

I can't stand the utter silence;

Cacophony of demanding voices.

I know what I need but feel controlled by their lies,

I have no choices.

Can you pray the pain away?

Can you pray my heart to change?

What you're asking of me feels so wrong,

Am I the one that's gone insane?

Faithful little girl is gone,

Though her heart hungers for your love;

How do I worship some God

Who punishes even the innocent ones?

Look around at this mad mad world;

Can you forgive who I've become?

I'm not sure who I was,

But I'm also not sure I'm the crazy one.