4/25/23
The view I’ll miss the most
The view I’ll miss the most
Is myself from your point of view.
Can we rewind? Go back just a bit in time?
To the day I was six,
Roasting marshmallows next to bonfires?
Or maybe just,
A time when -
Breathing was easy?
Cause I miss you,
And I have no idea what to do.
You said you were scared,
Now I understand why.
Some days it’s hard,
To just get by.
You raised me right though,
So I won’t give up.
Stubborn and emotional,
Two traits I got from you.
Sometimes it’s hard -
To go on without you.
But then I hear your voice,
Cut through thin air.
“Little girl, don’t cry,
You’re stronger than that.
Work smarter,
Not harder.”
About the Creator
Sarah Wilcox
Momma 🐺 of two feral girls!
Poet.
Artist.
Wildfire.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insight
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
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Comments (4)
A well written tribute to your father. He must have been a great man to inspire you so
Brilliantly written and heart wrenching!!!💕❤️❤️
I enjoyed your poem. Thank you for sharing it. I read in your exchange with Mike that this one was hard for you to write and to share, so brava for having accomplished both objectives. Keep writing. The very act of writing is what makes you a writer/author. Keep putting pen to paper (fingers to keyboards) and focus on topics that resonate with you. Three pieces of writing advice: 1) "Show, don't tell." In this poem, for example, you might have linked the character's action of roasting marshmallows with the feelings the character is having. For instance, the marshmallows could be stuck clean through, leaving a hole. That might be similar to how your character feels in one moment. Then there's likely a feeling or visual to explore in melting into the fire, or a parallel with the sky and the flame and the growing sense of loss. Your the author, of course, so you decide. The next piece of advice: 2) In any one piece, rhyme intentionally or do not rhyme. A mix tends to read unbalanced and also tends to draw the reader's eye to the fact that they are reading, which pulls them out of the magic on your page. And last but not least, 3) Edit, edit, edit. After you have the bulk of your piece and its main idea capture, relentlessly review your work to determine which words could be consolidated or replaced. In this poem, as an example, your intro line is "Is myself from your point of view." What does this sentence add to the piece? Maybe everything. Maybe not. You decide. You're the author. But as the reader, I do not glean your intention. Perhaps other word choice would have been clearer to your reader? Just a thought. If you'd like more writing advice, you might read my story about the work I'm doing with my nephew. https://shopping-feedback.today/writers/thursdays-with-josh%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/a%3E And do check out Writers here on Vocal. Tons of great advice! Again, congratulations on deciding to write and then doing it! You're well on your way to sharing what only YOU can say. 🤩 And that is beautiful.
Sadly beautiful and you are an author because you penned these words