20 minutes of Ramblings... #2

It's been approximately

3 weeks since my

roommates have spoken

to me. I made a mistake

I apologized and someone

blew it all out of

proportion and either

misheard or lied

I suspect the latter.

What can you do when

someone accuses you of

things you did not do?

I'll tell you. You simply

tell the truth, your truth.

You did not do it the way

it was told. You didn't

say what they said you did.

You apologize for what you

did do. It was wrong, you

lost your temper but you

can't admit to saying or

doing things you did not

say or do. So now I am

all alone this holiday

no one speaks to me,

they block me in the

driveway so I can't

get out, they don't

care about anything

to do with me. It's like

I died to them. 20 years

of friendship and they

can't tell when I am

telling the truth, makes

no sense at all. So it's

7 days until Christmas

and I don't feel welcome

going where we go each

and every year. Sitting

at a dinner table where

3 out of 6 don't want me

there at all is just too

uncomfortable to me. So

what do I do? I stay home

alone and take a stand for

myself. I am the only one

who will advocate for

myself in bad times, when

I am being treated unfairly

Oh yeah, I'm lonely AF

deeply, deeply so, but I

know I have myself, Nilufer

and the children who love me.

My brother however measured

and far away as Shakespeare

says. And God/Allah. I've

really been thinking about

it and honestly Christmas

is inside each one of us.

So I stay home and nuke

burritos, watch Netflix

or read my Vocal friend's

stories. It is better than

being in a place I'm not

fully wanted. I recently

caught myself saying I don't

know what Christmas is without

one of my roommates who has

always been my best friend

but that's not right. I was

taught what Christmas was

about before I could read

or write. I'll survive

sans the turkey, dressings,

presents or the tree. I have

survived through much worse

things than hatefulness and

lies and a few people not

speaking to me. If this is

my punishment for telling

a houseful of people to

go to hell when I was sick

with the flu and angry then

OK. I'll take it but I won't

make myself sick over it.

I am a survivor of Childhood

sexual assault, violence,

rape and many more atrocities.

This he/said, she/said crap

is no longer worth the time

or energy. I won't feel sorry

for myself. I'm protecting

myself. I am letting go

of the anger, the injustice.

trying to pull forward the

Peace inside me and just be

grateful for what I do have.

People all over the world who

have nothing Praise God/Allah

for just the crumbs on their

plate. I have so much more

than that. My new goals

this year are to Be Good,

Be Kind and live in the

moment and appreciate

the things I have and write

away the bad things.

Now Accepting Good Vibes

ONLY!!!

I mean, What else can I do?