1998

(Note: I am trans my pronouns are he/him)

The bread store was my favorite weekend chore

I couldn’t pronounce the store by name

I was 8 or maybe 9

But it was my favorite just the same,

The whole family came that day

Mom, Dad and my 4 siblings

Selection wide by brand and size

Some fresh, some free discarded things,

This day Dad parked the van down in a ditch

And once we all had filed in

He turned the key, “Wrrr-Wrrr”, it wouldn’t start

He tried 5 times, we’d need a hitch,

And in the August blaring Florida sun

In ‘98 or maybe it was ‘99

Our entire family day

Was spent waiting for triple A,

With just a ball, a blanket and some old beams

We fashioned up a game

Created opposing soccer teams

With some preposterous names,

I had the time of my prepubescent life

Doing nothing, that meant the world

Spending the afternoon stuck

The engine stalled and tires down in muck,

My mom laughing, cheering, swayed

From her normal disposition of dismay

My brothers and sisters all playing rough

Together for one of the last times as “us”,

Before I grew up and my brothers and sister were gone,

To their mom’s and their respective homes,

Before the divorce, and the separate lives,

Before the teenage-hood alone,

Before the addiction before the curse,

I carried 10 years on my reckless shirt,

Before the truth of lies and hurt,

Before innocence had lost her worth,

Before the former self I deeply hurt,

Before the crimson colored sky,

Became an enemy in disguise,

Before the years that followed there,

When I truly wanted to…

As tried to heal for..

In the eve of turning my life around…

As Dad slowly started to drown,

I built a career, put down the “stuff” down,

And got the call, the message, the reply,

Mom came to my job because Dad had died.

Was it 1998? Was it 1999?

As the family collected themselves

From all around the country and from the funeral,

No one could remember.

But at the time…

It was the best day of all our lives.