147 days

i was hungry once.

not how it is now, being three hours since my last meal, but

hungry.

i mean

knelt to unforgiving grounds, prostrating and heaving involuntarily,

sharp talons gripping my gut from all sides.

acid burning within and as it left me

hungry.

four days is all it took.

just before that point, small rations from a two-ounce bag of shelled peanuts–

a gift from a stranger who saw my need–had

sustained me for a week.

i counted;

did math.

portioning them carefully, taking into consideration how many i might need to keep pangs at bay.

there were fifty-seven peanuts in the bag.

not knowing when

where

how

to get food again

i drank lots of water and

i ate

eight peanuts a day

an extra left,

in case of emergency.

*

the first thing i noticed was fatigue,

but a steadily increasing fog and cramp set in, so i welcomed sleep.

escape,

only to wake and feel worse.

bloated and empty,

i stared for long periods at

nothing.

thinking and saying

nothing.

moving or using

nothing.

'no energy to spare,'

i'd think,

then stop myself because the effort was

too great.

*

now, i toast a hashbrown,

pour my coffee,

and think all i can

about

what twenty-one weeks of food supplies rapidly depleting looks like, or

what a person feels after five months (or more) of hunger.

what can a person think or feel after being on the brink of death for so long?

what the fuck is wrong with those who watch (or don't) a population starve again and

again

and again,

and don't see the truth?

not to mention the bombs or

chemicals or

traps with

guns and their indiscriminate fire.

forced to starve, too?

*

who are we for allowing this?

decades, being silent through this?

funding this?

even as the images flood our algorithms,

we look the other way.

what level of psychological

emotional

spiritual

disconnect have we achieved to be here?

what modern

western

rugged

individualism has wrought

on our current climate

goes beyond what one might call sin.

but i forever believe in a

Liberated Palestine:

the catalyst to a liberated middle east, the

key to ending our empire and

liberation for all.