Infinitely Many

“And in this moment I swear…we are infinite” - Charlie Kelmeckis (The Perks Of Being A Wallflower).

I will never forget the day I took the photo you see above. This was the day I was getting ready for my college graduation so I could be handed my Associates Degree. Putting on this cap and gown was perhaps the proudest moment of my life. Now of course you might here that and say “well yeah, earning a degree is a big deal, but why is it the proudest moment of your life? People do it all the time right? And surely you’re gonna have more monumental moments than this right. Maybe you’re right, but what makes this my proudest moment is a story that was 26 years in the making. Where should I start?

Elementary school is as good a place as any. Growing up I had a very complicated history with school, a sort of love/hate relationship you could say. From kindergarten to second grade I was pretty tit for tat with my basic education. Most of my performance was good some was bad, but overall I was pretty fair. Third grade is when I discovered what I was truly made of. So I took the end of grade test that year for the first time. I passed the reading, but failed the math on the first try. I was given a second try before the summer and ended up failing that too and had to go to summer school.

Even in summer school I failed the EOG, but due to my portfolio profile I was able to pass off the strength of my teachers and mom vouching for my knowledge. Fourth and fifth grade were a little easier. Because I was traumatized by my summer school experience of third grade I worked a little harder to make sure I didn’t have to go to summer school both years and it worked. I passed fourth and fifth grade with flying colors.

Though I survived the battleground of elementary school, my educational life only got more difficult. See the thing about me is I was a lazy kid with attention deficit disorder. Bad combination, not to mention middle school was double the work load of elementary. So years 6th, 7th and 8th grade played out like this for me: had to go to summer school for both my reading and math EOGs in the 6th grade, but passed them both. Didn’t have to go to summer school in the 7th grade because my math EOG wasn’t gonna be back in time, even though I failed it and had to go to summer school in 8th grade because I didn’t pass my math, but passed over the summer.

I swear middle school was like prison because of all the failure I created for myself, so by high school I decided it was time for me to buckle down, straighten up and start flying right. Though I wasn’t perfect in high school I was a lot better there than in middle and elementary. I was now studying on a weekly basis, paying more attention in class and instead of waiting the last couple weeks before finals to study for them I would start studying the last couple months. I slowly but surely did a lot better.

The summer after I passed 11th grade my mom died in a car wreck. Of course it was the most difficult time ever as one could imagine. My schooling and education was always the most important thing to my mother. So during that senior year of high school I worked harder than I ever did before to ensure that I would pass my final year and graduate high school. Not only did I graduate high school, but college was also an option for me.

Though I thought attending college was a great thing, I personally never cared for college because I never thought I was college material. I was after all perhaps the laziest kid I ever knew, but after my growth in high school I decided to give it a shot and began attending Guilford Technical Community College later in the fall after I graduated. When I got there I couldn’t believe it. College was a world I was not only enjoying, but was also very good at. Though it didn’t come without its struggles I made it through every one of those struggles and by 2019 I was eligible for my associates degree.

So again I tell you why this photo of me in my college cap and gown is so important. This picture is a testament to my growth as a person and a promise to do something to make my mother proud. I wasn’t the best student growing up, but through the struggle I caused myself I learned to be better. My mother always wanted me to do something meaningful with my life and after she died I made a promise to myself that I would do just that.

My mother didn’t live to see me graduate high school or college, but I know she was looking down on me in the distance and was proud that her son accomplished what she always knew he had the potential to do. One of my favorite movies from the 20-teens is The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. The ending quote of the movie is one of my all time favorite quotes: “And in this moment I swear…we are infinite”. That’s how I feel in this picture, that I can do anything because I am infinitely many.