35mm FAIL or GEM

FILM PHOTOGRAPHY

About two years ago I decided to start taking film photos. I had only ever used digital and was way out of my depth. It was a new and exciting journey, so I went to a second had film store in Seattle and asked the man in the store more questions then he probably wanted to answer. I was so excited to learn every new thing I could. When I had finally picked a new camera and had enough film for the weekend, I met up with my best friend and snapped this photo above.

This photo is blurry, out of focus, and kinda strange. Yet I am quite sure that it will forever be my favorite photo. Not just because the subject is my beautiful best friend or that the memories of that weekend bring a smile to my face, but because this was the first.

The beauty of this photo is in its imperfection.

You could look at this photo as a fail, it is in all the rules of photography a mistake. It shows my lack of experience and the reality that in that moment I did not know what I was doing. Yet, There is no reason that failure has to be bad.

I am not arguing that this photo is not failure, but rather that to fail is so beautiful. I have been afraid to fail most of my life. I have been an athlete afraid to loose. I have been an actor afraid to look stupid. I have been a student afraid to not know. Fear and failure have been so closely tethered in my life.

Failure is the reality of new beginnings, the truth of the unknown. We have made it this horrible word. Lets reclaim it! That might sound silly or naive but what if we were not afraid to fail? What if we were not afraid of risk?

What would you do? Start that company maybe, or ask that girl out, or even share your art with the world. I am a terrible speller, and grammar kinda has never clicked for me, but I adore to write. I process my emotions by writing, I create business by writing. However, none of that would be true if I was afraid of what the world might think about my imperfections. I would rob myself of something that gives me joy.

I remember sitting in the car with my father having a full blown panic attack about the fact that I would probably fail my math test the next day. I was a busy kid and between practices and commitments I didn’t feel I had enough time to study. I was going to fail. He in his wisdom asked me one very life changing question,

“What is the worst case scenario here?”

I answered him,

“I fail”

He responded,

“Okay, what is the worst case scenario there?”

I responded,

“I don’t get into the best collage”

In that moment, very quickly I might add, I identified where my anxiety was coming from and after a few more questions and some reassuring words I realized that failure cannot ruin my life. It would be easier to not fail, you wouldn’t need to be resilient. You wouldn’t need to rely on family and friends to pick you up when you are down. You wouldn’t need to learn new things and face your imperfection. Yet, to simply fail when you are trying your best is apart of life.

I am writing this on the cusp of new adventure, business, and relationship. I am fighting my desire to be perfect and to not fail. So hopefully this reminder is as timely to you as it is to me.

Lets fail forward and not loose out on all the beautiful newness out of fear.