Who’s the Goodest Boy?

Oh boy! Oh boy! Yessiree there goes the alarm. It’s time for her to get up!

I haven’t felt this happy ... well since yesterday morning when we woke up. But that’s besides the point because yesterday is not today.

I check for signs to see if she’s really going to get up this time.

Oh no, she’s not moving! I better get a closer look. I creep towards her side slowly, step by step. I really can’t tell at this point. I think I just need to give her a big ole’ kiss and maybe that will do it.

“Elvis!” She giggled. “Okay, okay! That’s enough”

Score one for the home team, she’s getting up.

Whew! I have got to go to the bathroom! I didn’t even notice that it was this bad until now; but now that I think about it, I’ve really got to go.

Betty, by this time, has made her way to the kitchen. She’s started making that “go-go juice” and to tell you the truth, it smells quite delicious. It also doesn’t hurt that it gives her a little pep in her step too. It always makes me happy when she’s not so grumpy in the morning. That’s always a bonus.

I really have got to go man! I need to let her know, I don’t think I can hold it much longer. I dance around her feet hoping she’ll hear my cries of distress.

“Elvis, do you need to go potty?”

Of course woman! I gotta go! She grabs my leash and heads towards the back door.

Okay Betty, I need to go but not out that way. Maybe, if I lay down and stand my ground she’ll let me go out front.

“Fine, you are stubborn as a bull. What are we going to do with you?” She says smiling shaking her head. She guides me to the front door.

Betty is my magical person. She’s the best one you’ve ever met. I love her with every single fiber of my heart. I don’t know what I would do if I had to be without her. She’s so kind, loving, wonderful, beautiful, sweet, caring and all the best words you could possibly think of. That’s her. She makes me so happy.

She opens the door for me.

“Go potty Elvis”

You don’t have to tell me twice. Sweet relief here I come.

Finally! Outside. Oh my goodness, I forgot about all this stuff out here. This seems interesting. Oh what’s that over there?

Wait a dang minute now, what’s that smell?

I’ve got to get to the bottom of this. I will follow diligently wherever my nose takes me. Then it hits me, someone has been in my yard!

How dare they? The audacity!

That darn chihuahua had the nerve to do this to me. She lives down the street. Too feisty for me, but peeing in my yard? I won’t have it.

Well I’ll show her! This is my yard.

My yard I tell ya!

I lift my leg to erase the evidence of her craziness ever being here. That will show her. If I ever catch her doing it again, she will be in for it.

Whew! I feel so much better now. I almost thought I wasn’t going to make it there for a second. That was a close one.

“Elvis are you finished?”

Well now that you ask, why yes I am.

I’m so excited I get to spend the day with my Betty. Yesterday was painful because she left and didn’t come back for awhile. I wallowed in my misery all day. My whole world was dark.

Not today though! I’m sure she would much rather stay home with me today. I’m sure of it.

“Come on inside baby” she said lovingly. Oh man, I love when she calls me that.

Today is a good day. Not like yesterday, where I was all alone for who knows how long.

But she won’t do that today.

She walks back to the bedroom and goes into the bathroom. She closes the door.

Hey now?! Why did she close the door? What happened? What is she doing in there? This isn’t fair. Why is she— the door opens back up.

“Elvis, it’s okay, lay down now. I’ll be done in a few minutes”

Oh thank heavens she’s okay. I was worried for a minute. If I can’t see her it’s not good. Who knows what could happen to her.

She sits down in front of the mirror. She’s putting on the powder stuff on her face. It always makes her look so pretty.

Wait a second. When she does that to her face, that might mean she’s going somewhere.

No. No way. Not today. I thought she was going to stay home with me because she loves me so much.

What am I thinking, she’s not going anywhere. She’s doing that to be pretty for me. Silly woman, she doesn’t need the face powder to be beautiful. But hey, if it makes her happy, I am all for it.

I lay down in her spot in the bed so I can feel like she’s right next to me. It smells just like her. She smells like the best thing I have ever sniffed honestly. I position myself so I can watch her finish doing her bathroom stuff. At least I can see her from here.

Listen, I know I sound a little clingy but when you love someone you just can’t help it.

She’s almost done now. Fantastic! Almost time for long awaited cuddles. My Betty holding me all day is the best thing I could possibly dream of. And it’s going to happen right about ...

Wait a second. She’s putting on shoes. The ones I didn’t make a tasty snack out of. I just love the way the shoes taste and smell. Don’t judge me, okay?

Why did she put those on though? She’s not going anywhere. She’s just being a silly goose today. I still love her though, silliness and all.

“Elvis, don’t be sad but mommy has to go to work”

Work?!? Excuse me? You’ve got to be joking. This has to be a joke. I’m not laughing Betty. Good one though.

“ Alright Elvis, I love you so much! I’ve got to go. You be a good boy now! I’ll see you soon!”

She opens the front door and walks out waving at me as she closes the door.

Noooo! This can’t be happening! Today was supposed to be a good day! I had so many plans for us today! Now she’s gone. Probably for forever. I run to the window and watch her pull out of the driveway. Taking my heart with her. What did I do to deserve this?

This has got to be one of the worst feelings to have. To have someone just abandon you like that?! I miss her so much already. How could she do this to me?! I thought you loved me Betty? I thought we were supposed to be together for forever? I’d be the peanut butter to her jelly, the one that’s always here for her whenever she needs me.

I guess she doesn’t need me anymore. I am deeply hurt. To my core. Tell me to be a good boy. Yeah right. You did me dirty Betty, I might not be a good boy since you pushed me this far.

What am I thinking? I can’t do that to her. The chance she might come back to me and see my poop in the house. She would get angry with me. Just like last week when I let my emotions get the best of me. I can’t have her be angry with me. Not today, I need to be strong for my woman. Hold the fort down until she gets back. Be her rock.

But gosh I miss her so much. She was just here and now she’s gone like the wind. Leaving a big gaping hole in my heart. How will I ever get by? Will she ever come back?

I try to shake off the hurt. I lay down on my comfy bed in front of the window and rest my head on the ledge. I can just watch the cars go by. I guess this is my life now. Cold, lonely and bored. Will this ever end?

I hear a sound. I stand up quick. Is it her coming back to me? Did I over react? I look out the window. And see the most horrendous thing you could ever see.

It’s an Amazon truck. Could this day get any worse?

Now I’ll tell you, I usually like most things and people. But an amazon truck does not qualify as one of those things.

You hate spiders? I hate Amazon trucks.

They speed down the road like an enormous scary monster coming out of the deepest part of the darkest place you could possibly imagine.

The monster comes to an eerie stop. I am concerned. Then it gets even worse right before my eyes.

It sends out one of its minions as if it comes from the belly of the monster. The minion walks way too quickly for my liking. Carrying what looks like some sort of box weapon. I am on my toes at this point.

Oh no! I’m supposed to hold down the fort! And I’m letting the enemy get too close.

Time to sound the alarm.

I bark ferociously at the minion. Mustering up all of my strength to protect this home with all of my might.

I can smell the fear through the window and it’s working.

Yes, little minion, drop the weapon and back away. If you leave quickly I’ll let you escape with your life!

The minion looked completely terrified. Good. He needs to be.

He runs and jumps back into the belly of the monster as fast as he can. The Amazon monster fires up a girthy roar and they proceed to run away from me up the street.

Whew! That was a close one.

I’m kind of tired now. That was exhausting. Trying to protect the castle from evil monsters who lurk on the roads.

All in a good days work I guess.

Betty really needs to thank me when she gets home. Little does she know all of the things I do for her.

I get all snug in my bed. I yawn. I lay my head down and drift off into a dreamy dog park.

Suddenly, I hear a noise that awakens me out of a deep sleep. I jump up, I guess the monster wants a little more of this gun show. We let me at em’.

But as I turn to look out the window I see the most beautiful thing you could ever see.

Betty is pulling back up in the driveway!

Oh my goodness, this is the best day of my life! She’s back! How long was I asleep for? Who cares! My baby is back!

Sweet birds are chirping in my ears. I see hearts floating all around my head. I can’t control myself.

I am so excited and I obviously cannot hide it.

My tail is spinning like a helicopter. My heart is beating so fast. I can hear she’s almost to the front door.

I just want to shout at the top of my lungs how much I love Betty! I hear the key turning. Oh boy, this is intense. I think I might pass out.

The door opens and in walks my whole life, my whole world and my whole heart.

“Who’s been the goodest boy??”