The Healing Star

My life was barren, devoid of any hope of a brighter day. I had moved to a boring town and resided in a drab, impersonal house. My days consisted of arising at the crack of dawn, drinking a lonely cup of coffee, and going to my depressing job that offered limited monetary rewards and no intrinsic ones.

I suppose if we met, you’d only view the façade I had perfected. My appearance exemplified a well-adjusted, professional woman. I would have won an Academy Award for my stellar performance, so convincing was I that everything was harmonious, copacetic in every way.

If someone told me a joke, I’d laugh on the outside but be weeping internally. Many men found me attractive and desirous, but none could penetrate the protective shield that I had created.

Well, who could have possibly predicted what would bring real joy into my happiness-deprived world?

One fateful Saturday I felt compelled to visit the local animal shelter. There, a preternatural gift was bestowed upon me in the form of a tiny, toy miniature pinscher. She was chocolate brown and tan. I swear she smiled at me as I walked by her cage. She had exquisite markings, a teeny replica of a Doberman pinscher that had been formed with skills of perfection. She was all of six pounds. On her little chest was a patch of white, star-shaped fur. Her sweet head housed sorrowful, dark brown eyes. She desperately wanted a forever home, so I adopted my new fur baby. Little did I know what a vital role she would assume in my life.

She gleefully sat in my lap the entire ride home, as though being with me completed our lives. Upon arriving at her new abode, she spent the first day investigating every crack, crevice, and square inch of my dwelling. It was all to be under her control, as she soon ruled the roost. She was loving, comical, endearing in all aspects.

The second day of our conjoined lives, while I was munching a succulent red apple, Star climbed into my lap and gently tried to remove it from my lips. Of course, I readily offered it to her, whereupon she pranced off with it, her head held high, as if it was a magnificent treasure. From then on, I supplied her with apples that she carried about the house each day. Some of the apples were larger than her minuscule head, which evoked uproarious laughter from me. Truly, it was the most endearing sight I had ever beheld. Never before, never again, would there be a replacement for her.

Our bliss and symbiotic relationship continued for five years.

Alas! In the second year of my idyllic life with Star, I completely lost my eyesight. Every day was another test of my fortitude. I wept and suffered internalized depression. I was overcome with feelings of claustrophobia, due to the fact my world was entombed in blackness.

Star was my only source of joy. She never left my side. When medical services transported me to an appointment, she’d diligently await my return by the front door. Once I reentered my house, she was very vocal, as though informing me of all events that had transpired while I was gone. She was my worldly redeemer, filling the void of my loneliness and despair. Without her, I know not if I would have survived this trial of immeasurable tribulation.

For one and one-half years I was without sight, until finally surgery restored my vision, and I once again beheld Star’s semblance of absolute perfection.

My Star. My life. Beyond compare.

Shortly after restoration of my eyesight, I was obligated to move in with my mother, for she had serious health issues and needed assistance.

Star, of course, came with me. Once again, she was in an explorative state for two days. She quickly settled in, and my mom immediately fell in love with her. This pint-size pooch was like that, you know.

I took Star on all my local car trips. She got extremely excited when we went through the drive-thru at fast-food establishments. She was very fond of chicken nuggets. If I couldn’t take her with me, she’d perch in the bay window of my mother’s house, patiently awaiting my return. My mother said she remained in that sentinel state the entire time of my absence. She recognized my car, and when I pulled into the driveway, she trembled with excitement, my mom reported.

Every night she snuggled with me as I watched TV in my room.

I wholly reveled in her essence.

Each morning we awoke together and padded out to the kitchen. She knew breakfast time had arrived, and she ravenously gobbled it up. She loved canned milk, apples, and bananas. I always found this to be so entertaining, that a dog got such pleasure from consuming fruit.

One morning I awoke, and my beloved Star wasn’t nestled with me in bed. I rapidly arose and searched for her, and found her lying on the kitchen floor, barely breathing. I scooped her up in a blanket and rushed her to the closest veterinary hospital. They asked what had happened, but I didn’t know. There were no known poisons of any kind she might have ingested.

“What about xylitol?” the vet then asked me.

I asked what that was, and was told it was an artificial sweetener, and I wasn’t sure if Star ate this. (Later I discovered an empty pack of sugarless chewing gum under the living room sofa, which had contained xylitol. It was extremely toxic to dogs, especially a tiny dog like Star.) They came out of the examining room and told me her heart had stopped. Although they managed to get it beating again, they sadly informed me they were bringing her to me to say goodbye, as she was fading fast.

The veterinarian brought my sweet Star out to me and placed her in my arms. I hugged her, smothered her with kisses, and declared my eternal love for her, then she was gone. They had a very difficult time extracting her from me. When they returned with her, she was encased in a rubber, light blue burial bag. Two vet assistants had to escort her and me to my car, so wracked with grief was I.

No recollection of the drive home is in my memory. She’s buried in the side yard. Many symbols of remembrance adorn her grave as I still strive to heal the emotional wound, the anguish her loss created.

The tears I shed, the pain and sorrow I experienced to this day have never completely subsided. Star remains first and foremost on my mind. Not a minute goes by that I don’t express gratitude for having been blessed with her.