The Curious Life of Pablo

Pablo the panda isn’t a pet, he’s a friend.

Let's get to know the greatest gift to mankind, you know, before the panda uprising and we must surrender to all bearkind.

Pablo Ursidae was born under the strawberry moon in 2014. He's always been full of personality, from the day he first learned to roll to the record-breaking bamboo eating contest he took part in.

In human years, Pablo is roughly 18 years old and he weighs in at 130kg. He’s a little weight conscious, so no jokes. It’s not that Pablo is eating the wrong food or not exercising, he’s just built differently.

We live together in the mountainous region of Qinling. We like to give him physical space to spiritually explore himself and this is the best place for that. He’s surrounded by nature, natural food sources (saves us a lot of money), and he has his friends close for pet playdates.

Of course, given Pablo’s age, we can only imagine what he does when we’re not around.

If you’re not familiar with pandas, I will enlighten you.

Much like any Gemini, Pablo has many sides to explore.

Pablo the dreamer

Pandas don’t sleep, they nap. Pablo doesn’t have a sleep schedule, he’s much like a narcoleptic in that respect, when he’s feeling it, he closes his eyes and off to the land of nod he goes.

You should know that Pablo will sleep wherever and whenever he feels like it. I’ve found him in some very compromising situations, covered in bamboo leaves like candy wrappers, and also perched precariously on branches.

We’re kind of alike in that respect. We sleep when we're full of food, and we're also a bit clumsy.

Pablo the trickster

Given that Pablo lives in a large area, he has many friends. He’s a popular guy with a heart of gold, but I know as soon as nobody is watching, Pablo is pulling tricks and setting up stunts.

He has panda friends, who he can be a little rougher with, pushing them downhill and whipping them with bamboo, but most of his best friends are squirrels.

Specifically, the red and white giant flying squirrel.

When we look away, Pablo plays tricks.

He's a known tree shaker; bear-hugging tree trunks as he pushes his weight against it. That's one way he gets the squirrels attention.

He also covers himself in branches and leaves then places tree nuts on his tummy. It doesn't take them long to notice and 'boo!' he scares them.

They do something similar, taunting him from the trees. He's a good climber, fast too. They flick nuts and wait for him to climb before jumping off and gliding to another tree.

I think he gets as good as he gives.

Pablo the explorer

Given that Pablo is an outdoor animal who basically goes wherever he pleases, the one place he doesn’t go is inside the house, but I’ve seen him watching me and I’m fairly certain he knows how to use a key to open a locked door.

With that in mind, I’m sure some nights when I’m sleeping he’ll let himself into the house and sit up watching the Discovery Channel. He’s an intelligent boy and I'm sure he'll be saying his first word any day now.

I hope it's 'Joe', but I'm biased.

Pablo the motivational speaker

I have a theory Pablo holds conferences to talk amongst the other animals about what he sees on the television late at night.

He hasn't bathed in the nearby springs for a week, so I'm guessing he's been watching shark week reruns. It's odd really, he loves to splash around and give sopping wet hugs.

I worry for the day he finds the History channel and flicks to an episode of Ancient Aliens. That will be the birth of conspiracy theorist pandas, but perhaps he will start bathing again.

Pablo the office worker

This one might seem farfetched, but I think Pablo is employed.

He had a mobile phone with him the other day, held it up to his ear and everything.

I assume he found himself a job.

He wears quite formal colours, black and white, he only needs a tie and his ensemble outfit is complete.

I can see him sitting at a desk pounding his paws on a keyboard.

We're incredibly similar.

If he is employed, I feel like I need to teach him about taxes. That is going to be a very strange conversation, but lucky for me that I am fluent in panda grunts.

I'm sure he'll want to quit when he learns about taxes.

Wish me luck with Pablo, I would hate to get on his bad side.

On a positive note, Pablo has invited you to visit him... but there's one stipulation, you have to bring a gift. He says it has to be tax-deductible; he thinks he might have a bit of government debt.

*arh-umf*

That's "ciao for now" in panda.

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DISCLAIMER: I don't have a panda and this is fiction, but in an alternate universe this is all facts and I am best friends with Pablo.