Reached Freedom

Every time my dog and I go out for a walk, it seems like he is walking me instead. There isn't a rush about it. I just trust him and he is not being aggresively persistant. He is actually great at recalibrating my pace, especially when I become lost in my notes. He knows the various routes I'm known to make and the shortcut, though we rarely seem to go that way.

I like to bring my notebook with us in case I find myself with enough inspiration to actually be still and write. This time, I brought the one with all the information about my father. It was like a case file of his. About him. I have been looking for him for half of my life.

An adult in the U.S.

One that can drink liquor legally in Jamaica.

18 years. 18 years of searching.

And my family has been keeping information from me for more years than that.

I have called so many places in Guadalajara, Mexico, in search of him. I meditate a lot with his energy. Though because I am not sure the type of man he was or is, each attempt of mine has a different personality. Still, I focus on my breath and remain still enough to feel a connection. Sir Levy tugged at me twice.

"What's up, boy?" He pants and releads the way.

"Okay we can head there again," I say as I notice the sunset happening sooner than I thought. "Not for too long though, dinner will be ready soon."

He adds a little more pep in his steps and I feel my strides increase.

"Whoa buddy. I should have stretched some." He pants and wags his tail really fast as if he spotted something. I begin to jog and Sir Levy runs like a Baywatch model as the sun kisses his golden brown eyes. Just as I begin to notice I am out of breath, he slows down and I just stop. I put my hands on my knees as I try to catch up to my heart beat and let go of the leash. He stops a handful of tombstones away. I see the remainder of his leash lining up along another's resting place. I'm still breathing in and out pretty hard and am now able to walk at the same time. I slowly take the next few steps and notice Sir Levy sitting patiently in front of a memorial plaque.

"Good boy," I say as I plop down beside him and put my arm around him. "Who are we honoring today?" I look up and time stood still.

There was my father's name and birthdate engraved on this marker of his grave. Says he died in 1997. I was 11. I felt my face wet as I turned slowly to face Sir Levy in absolute awe. He placed his chin into my chest and I held him dearly. I cried and held onto him tightly as I rocked back and forth. I felt a connection that was stronger than the physical contact I was making with Sir Levy.

Dad. I feel you. I FEEL YOU. I feel you. Countless more tears stream down my face. I stop rocking and I notice the soft breathing Sir Levy was displaying. I take a big deep breath in and I close my eyes as I held him and tried to match his beat with mine. "Long exhales, buddy, I got it."

As I begin to process the fact that my search for my father is over, visuals of Sir Levy and I over the years quickly show up in my mind. When I opened my eyes, it was already dark. I wiped my tears thoroughly across my face. "Sir Levy, thank you. I don't know how you knew, but you know I dare not question you." He barked twice and began to pant.

"You ready to go back home?" He tugged at me twice. "Okay then," I chuckled, "Lead the way."