Phunny Pharm Life

There are things in life that happen which help to confirm if you are on the right path. These things are not always the most pleasant experiences but are necessary for the confirmation. I like most people tend to pursue new interest with passion and enjoy the process of watching things develop. I have recently started hobby farming and have purchased a beautiful small pigmy goat named Bella. We already had a few goats but when we saw her, knew she would be ours. My beautiful partner and I drove four hours to Fort Payne, Alabama to pick her up. We decided we would drive up and have lunch at a highly rated restaurant before getting her and after picking her up we would drive over to a friend who lived about thirty minutes away before driving home.

Bella seemed a little frightened at first but seemed to start settling after a few miles. She sat quietly in my wife’s lap as we rode over to meet my friend Mike in Summerville, Ga. We hung out with him for a little while with Bella in a kennel and checked on her regularly. Mike’s place is beautiful and directly faces Lookout Mountain. We hung around enjoying the scenery and company of each other and after a couple of hours were ready to return home. As we were about to leave, I decide against my wife’s wishes to put the baby down for a bathroom break which is where this story takes a wrong turn.

I can almost hear laughter (for not listening to my wife) but this was no laughing matter because whatever they put into these goats to breed them produces the absolute fastest most agile creature known. These creature’s movement mimic that of a UFO in they can stop turn spin and jet into any direction to make you look like a bloody idiot chasing his own shoelaces. I am pretty fast and in decent shape, but my skills were no match for this otherworldly creature.

Bella quickly passed me with a sidestep and blazing speed across Mike’s yard, down the driveway, across the street towards a pen full of dogs to her surprise, which halted her. I thought the pen would provide a barrier to help slow her down, but she cut left and kept going straight towards the winding mountain road. Once she hit pavement, she engaged hyperdrive and became a gray and white streak shooting over the top of a hill. It took me another full thirty seconds to reach the top of the same hill and by the time I did she was disappearing into a graveyard on the left side of the road. I made it to the graveyard only to see headstones. I was tired and the boots I was wearing had already provided me with busted blisters.

I was devastated and thought it was over and I would not see her again. I had my phone and called my buddy and wife to bring the truck. I was searching the woods around the graveyard when I heard her bahhh on the opposite side as my wife and Mike arrived. I ran over to investigate, she seen me coming and jetted back to the road and crossed it. My legs were beginning to fatigue and the blisters were too much, so I chunked my boots and was only in socks for the remainder of the chase.

At one point, some of the neighbors had been notified and several of them joined the search which seemed hopeless until she reappeared on the other side of the road across the street from the graveyard. I had regained my breath and legs somewhat during the lull of the search and met my buddy who had a painter’s tarp. He quickly handed it off to me because he was too old and out of shape to keep up with the goat. I got close to her and she stopped, I thought this is it as I crept towards her with the intention to spring with the tarp. Well that was a horrible fail! My legs were too smoked to lunge forward and I fell flat on my chest only to see her scamper into woods.

The woods she scampered into was thick with thorns and other hazards not to mention it was getting dark. We probably searched for another hour without a trace. I had blood streaming from thorns to the face, blisters on my feet, bloody knees from crawling through brush which would no doubt stay that way for the next month begging for my wife’s forgiveness. It was pretty much over and all hope was gone. We had been on the chase for three hours and maybe only had around thirty minutes of daylight left. I reluctantly called off the chase and accepted what was. This was going to be a long four-hour ride home.

The rescue party all said they would keep an eye out and if anyone seen or caught her, they would call us. The mood was extremely somber, people expressed their concern and wished us the best. My friend Mike said he was going to ride up the road to let others know to keep a lookout. I for some reason decided to go the same way knowing the shortest route was the opposite way. We both rounded the corner and to our amazement, Bella was standing in the middle of the road.

We immediately all went straight back into rescue mode and headed her off in two different direction with the trucks only to have her move around us in true UFO form hitting the pavement and rocketing down the street. As she was about to reengage hyperdrive an older man who I am going to call an angel, a god or maybe even Jesus himself whipped his Dodge sideways in the road to cut her off. He then jumped out to cut her off in another direction only to have her try to scamper up a steep embankment across the road which slowed her down enough for me to get a running start to propel my dive.

The next thing I remember is standing up with baby Bella in my arms. My head was hurting, and I could not breathe, but I had her. I had taken a hard lick to the head and had landed on a log with my ribs which still makes it difficult to breathe at the time writing this. It was ok though because I had set out to do what was the most important task that was at hand. It is often times like this when one can find an appreciation for letting go of what might happen to accomplish what needs to be done now.