Pavlov's Cats

Our house contains two humans and two black cats. Our cats mostly do not go outside because we live in an area where it is not safe for them to roam freely. We do have a small patio area that is enclosed by four high walls from which they can't escape, so they go out there to explore.

Harper Lee is almost four years old. Lili Von Shtupp is a bit over two years old. Each was adopted as a kitten, so their lack of exposure to the outdoors limits their ability to hunt their own food to capturing insects who suffer the misfortune of crossing their path.

Their lack of any real independence makes them completely reliant on us for care and nutrition. Of course, we make sure they have all they need. They are fed a small meal of soft food with gravy twice a day and there is a bowl of dry cat food for if they get hungry between meals.

This worked okay for a while, but they began to get off schedule. While they used to wake us up at around 7 am, that time slowly began to slip backward until we were being awakened as early as 3 am, at times.

Now, if you have cats, you know what I'm talking about here. You are asleep and you're assaulted by these small furry creatures that jump in your bed and make a racket until you wake up. If that doesn't work, the violence begins.

Ours like to tag team us. If one of them gets hungry, they wake the other one and we find ourselves under siege.

Lili is very vocal and that doesn't just mean she likes to meow a lot. It means she likes to meow a lot and do it very loudly. She mimics our voices at times, making her meowing sound like she's saying "hello" or "mama" as she storms up and down the hall and then jumps on our chest or shoulder to make sure we can hear her.

Harper is quieter, but she's also bigger and heavier. She sits and waits for Lili to do the dirty work. If Lili fails at her job, then Harper steps in. She will knock the breath out of whoever she pounces upon. She may or may not meow, but if you don't respond to this large cat who is now standing on either your chest or shoulder, she will reach out and slap you in the face—with her claws out.

Now, about six months ago, this little ritual of theirs was resulting in our exhaustion from being awakened so early in the morning to feed cats. Yes, we could go back to bed afterward, but we are the sort of people that can't do that. Once we are awake, we are up for the morning.

However, we're also middle-aged, and getting up so early meant we were exhausted by afternoon and needed a long nap, messing up our sleep later that night. It was creating a very unhealthy cycle and daily frustration. In other words, we were no longer in control and we were tired.

So, I began looking for ways to stop our cats from waking us up at all hours in search of food like crackheads. After a bit of digging around on the internet, I found exactly what I was looking for. At first, I was doubtful. I couldn't imagine retraining cats that had already learned bad habits, but within a few days, I was proven wrong.

What was this secret, you ask?

It was as simple as applying the principle that Pavlov employed with dogs, except instead of a bell, I used my cell phone and didn't trick them into slobbering instead of getting the food they wanted.

First, I determined the best times to feed our cats. For us, that was 9 am and 9 pm. This means they are fed when we all get up in the morning and again shortly before bedtime so they have time to eat and go potty before they settle into bed, full and content.

So, I set an alarm with a distinct ringtone for these times. Mine is a simple set of chimes that is used nowhere else in my notifications. When the alarm goes off, one of us feeds the cats. They are not fed at any other time. It's just that simple of a change.

For the first few days, we still dealt with some assaults, but after that, they became used to the routine and stopped attacking us. In only a short time, they'd learned to associate the chimes on my phone with feeding time. Now, when the chimes go off, both of them jump up and head toward their bowls to wait. They never expect food without the alarm.

If I need to feed them a bit early or a bit late, I just adjust the alarm or set the chimes off manually. It's now been six months and I'm no longer being awakened by a screaming cat and her violent cohort.

Bless you, Pavlov.