Paradise Falls

Looking at the odometer, we’re probably going about 80 miles per hour, I slow it down a bit as I put my foot on the pedal. I catch my 7-month-old (at the time) Doberman’s silly, but happy face in the rearview mirror, tongue hanging out. I lower the passenger window on my right side, but Harley never really been much of a “out of the window” type of dog. Maybe she thought she was too good for it, or maybe it made her carsick to be standing close to the window like other dogs usually do. I look back at her and gave her a quick pat on her head before keeping my eyes back on the road.

The thing about Harley that I love the most is what I see in her eyes. Since she was a little pup, she has always given me this look, like we have a secret mutual understanding of each other that can only be between us. She’s helped me through my constant anxiety, reminds me to ground myself, every so often. I know it may sound cliché, but it was/is always very comforting to know she’s there for me to. “Mum, I get it. I’m here, don’t worry. Everything is going to be okay.” I feel very safe with her around. Sure, maybe that is how everyone feels about their dog, but with Harley, it always felt different.

We were in LA, and it was another sunny day. I put my sunglasses on, and kept driving on the 405, towards our destination for our afternoon trip. I started thinking about this morning, and how awful it was for the both of us. My ex-boyfriend and I just finished a loud fight about money. He was taking money from me, and when I needed him to reimburse me, he became very defensive. Needless to say, this was a toxic relationship that I have never been happier to be out of, now.

Earlier that day, we were yelling at each other, at the top of our lungs. Startling our neighbors first thing in the morning. “I’m trying to make it. You said you were going to support me!” he yelled at me. “I have been supporting you, I am working three jobs, to support both of us, and I can’t do it anymore!” I yelled back. He shoves me into the wall, and holds my arms tight enough that I bruised, and yelled “But you need me!” Harley is barking and pacing all over the apartment, in confusion. Taking that in, with tears in my eyes, I shoved him off of me, and said, “No, I definitely don’t!” I walked away from him, and said, “I need space, right now.” Grabbed my car keys and Harley’s leash, and carried her out. She was still small enough for me to carry her, at the time. We get to the garage, unlocked my car doors, and I put her into the back seat.

A trail called Paradise Falls that I enjoyed going to with Harley, it was always a nice drive up the freeway, and that drive would help clear my mind. There is this waterfall at the end of the trail, and a ledge by the rocks that we would sit at. We finally arrived to the parking lot, at the start of the trail, Harley jumps out of the car, and we get ready for our hike. After the long walk down, you can smell the creek that leads to the waterfall. Harley rushes down the man-made stoned stairs and goes over to our usual spot. Thankfully, it may have been the right time in the afternoon that gave us vacancy. We walk over to the ledge, and sat in silence for a bit. I give her a couple of her favorite treats I had on hand. Harley looked at me with that same look in her eyes, ‘it’s going to be okay.’ I stared back at her, “I know” and sighed deeply. And it was okay. It is okay. Just her and I.