Furry Companion

“You know what, Casey? If you were human, I’d marry you.”

It was an odd thing for a thirteen-year-old to say, but I was very serious. For most of my young life, I had friends, but I was hardly close to them. I cared about my friendships, but I was too busy in survival mode to really create authentic relations. Between trying to pass my classes and not be a target for middle school ridicule, I didn’t have much time to actually mentally decompress. Going home wasn’t an issue, though. By the time I got home, I had about an hour or two before my mother got home from work. I looked forward to having dinner, but honestly, I valued my private time a lot more.

Per the usual, I got home and entered through the garage door. I walked up the stairs and by now my three dogs were barking and freaking out about a human entering the house. I opened the door and found my dogs Casey, Mac, and Einstein running around.

I put on my tea kettle for some tea and then went upstairs to my bedroom to unwind. After a few minutes, I walked outside and sat at the top of the stairs.

Casey, my first dog and the dog that has been with me since I was four years old, was a border collie mix that had more personality than most of the middle school kids that didn’t help make schooling any better. He was always a sweetheart and always brought me comfort that was not obtained through humans.

Ticking nails against hardwood echoed up the hall of stairs, indicating Casey’s ascension to my room. When I sat down, Casey sat beside me. His hind legs dangled on the stairs, as if he were sitting just like me. He was the only dog that sat on the stairs with me. Time stopped during those private moments. Sometimes, I didn’t say anything while other times I cried on the stairs from being stressed out and overwhelmed. Casey would lick my face and have an open ear. Sometimes, I swore that he understood everything that I said.

On this particular day, either in late August or early September, I sighed and said something so comfortably weird. “You know what, Casey? If you were human, I’d marry you.” Then he stopped panting and winked at me. I smiled and didn’t think much of it – dogs wink at their owners and best friends, right? After a few minutes of peace, I stood and walked downstairs to make my tea. Casey followed close behind me.

This specific moment rests comfortably in my heart because I truly saw who I wanted in a partner. Weird, huh? But really, seeing your desires in the unexpected is more meaningful than being lost and confused for years. I’m not saying that I want my future partner to have four legs and wag his tail when I come home. I’d love someone that listens to me; someone that’s loyal, caring, an open ear, and a source of security and comfort when I need it most. Casey truly was a mirror for everything that I never admitted to wanting: a best friend, a cherished family member, to have an open ear and an open heart, and to be someone that I can trust without fail.

Casey passed in the Summer of 2017. Moments of calm are one of the things that I miss the most and I will continue to wish we had more moments where we were silent beings on the stairs, taking in the sight of the rest of the house beneath us. Casey sat in stillness with me and, sometimes, valued me more than I valued myself. Would I marry my dog? No, not legally. For certain, though, he’ll always be my furry companion.