Facts I Learned About Squirrels

"I think a squirrel is trying to kill me."

I glance over at my father and see that he's serious. I'm not quite sure what to think, so I compose a neutral face and listen for more details.

"I'm walking on the river trail and this squirrel starts chattering at me. I ignore him and pass under his tree. A giant pine cone almost hits me."

I don't say anything. I'm trying to find a polite way to say that squirrels don't kill people and my father starts speaking again.

"The thing is, this is the second time. This squirrel has tried to kill me with a pine cone. Twice."

Now I'm confused. Squirrels don't kill people, but the odds of a massive pinecone almost dropping on his head twice are astronomical. Is this a freak squirrel?

This happened several years ago and my dad still keeps an eye on squirrels when he walks. I don't. I still struggle with believing in the idea of a homicidal squirrel.

However, in the last few years, I've started realizing that squirrels are much more complex and intelligent than I give them credit for. Squirrels can obey traffic laws and their dexterity deserves its own intelligence measurement. If someone says you have the brain of a squirrel you might want to take that as a compliment. Here are some facts that made me realize that squirrels know a lot more than anyone gives them credit for.

1. Squirrels are Impressive predators

One of the reasons my father seemed a bit crazy with his ranting about killer squirrels is that squirrels don't kill. They eat nuts. Right?

Squirrels are actually impressive predators. They catch insects, snakes, mice, and birds. All of these are reasonable prey for a predator their size.

Squirrels don't stick to prey their size. In Russia, a pack of black squirrels worked together to track and kill a stray dog. Squirrels killing humans seems slightly more plausible snow.

2. Foreign Intelligence Agencies Used Them

The first time I heard of an intelligence agency using an animal was Acoustic Kitty. Acoustic Kitty was a horrible failure. On its first mission it was hit and killed by a car. This left me with the impression that animals weren't practical spies.

Until Iran arrested, yes arrested, 14 squirrels for working with foreign intelligence agencies.

According to the press release, the squirrels were all equipped with a variety of sensors to spy on the Iranians. I don't think squirrel hit men are on the horizon. However, intelligence agencies have allegedly managed to make use of squirrel and other animal talents on a smaller scale. Apparently, the requirements to be a spy are a little different than I thought they were.

3. They Make Jerky

If you were making a list of qualities that make us human, cooking and preserving food would probably be on that list. You would have to take that off that list.

Squirrels collect mushrooms for winter. Then they dry them creating their own mushroom jerky. That isn't cooking, but it is a form of preservation. It makes their cache less likely to be infected by insect larvae and it helps the mushrooms keep over the winter.

4. Their Tails are Like Swiss Army Knives

No, it's not a can opener and a knife in one, but their tails do an amazing amount of things. They are used to communicate. They use them as towels and umbrellas. They help with balance. Finally, if all else fails to escape a predator they get the predator to take their tale and make their escape. Squirrel tails are flat-out amazing.

All of these traits make squirrels incredibly adaptable to their environment. With the advent of global warming and urbanization squirrels have managed to thrive in an ever-changing world. So, next time you see a squirrel realize that is an impressive little creature that will probably do better in the future than humanity will.