EmPAWering

This goes out to my beautiful fur-baby (puppy).

This beautiful goofball, barely a year old, but has made it through the toughest year I have yet seen.

A year of isolation, a year of sorrow. A time spent mostly behind closed doors and away from friends, but at least I wasn't alone.

Born during a time when the world was in turmoil, but she never saw the world, only mine. Becoming a part of my world even when I was so stressed, that I wanted to ignore my world entirely; she was the ray of sunshine poking through my cloudy slump. At my world's worst, she reminded me I could still smile, that there was still fun and happiness to be found. At my worst, she calmed me, and coaxed me, she licked away every single tear that dared to be shed, quickly turning them into giggles, before her big goofy head.

Being born in such a time, she became somewhat nurtured by it. The way our world was, she was accustomed to it, and became an expert of its daily in's and out's.

How do I know?

If I was stressed, she was stirring. If I was annoyed or angry, she was cuddly and loving. If I was stir-crazy, she would join me and the two of us would play. If I was tired, so was she. If I was calm, she would be peacefully sleeping the day away. She was a mirror image of my moods, or an agent to settle them.

As I worked and studied, she was forever by my side. The second I moved an inch from my seat, she was ready to go wherever I was headed. My beautiful shadow, whom I love with all my heart.

This goofy, loving creature has an infinitely large heart. Having her merely be in my presence, soothes my heart.

While I worked and studied away my days, she would always be lurking somewhere around me. Of course, I want the best for my fur-baby, so I adorn my little office with a big fluffy pillow for her. She makes me laugh some days, as in the photo above, she will sleep right beside the big, comfy pillow, instead of on it. On other days, she will drag the pillow around for ages, almost having a hissy fit, as though someone moved it from its perfect spot, which she now must find all over again.

All day everyday, she is by my side, except on one specific kind of day: exam day. As we all know, exams are little monsters, that give your brain a beating, drain you emotionally, crush your hopes, and tease your memory. These little monsters aren't an everyday event but have been deemed as important. So sadly, on exam days, no dogs near the desk. I would love to have her around, however, she is too skilled at knowing when I am stressed and does everything in her power to distract me from it.

When the stressor is the little monster known as an exam, something that actually needs to be completed, and needs your attention regardless of your stress levels; a giant, furry best friend, weighing in at 90 lbs, who's perfectly able and willing, to jump from the door to land on and surf your desk... it's no exactly conducive.

So, when exam days come around, she gets to play with the rest of the house members instead.

To prepare for my exam isolation and to prevent a furry intervention, some measures must be taken. Firstly, my handle less office door is wedged shut. As that is not nearly enough to stop my determined hound, in addition I add, not one but two dumbbells to the back of the door. Next, to tune out her calls from behind the door, which I know will come, I wear headphones with white noise playing.

Isolation achieved, exam started and away I go.

Perfect, right?

Nope.

As expected of every exam in history, they usually insight some amount of fear and stress.

This particular exam, I overthought the entire first section and ran myself ramped, stressing myself out, and perpetuating the worst part of my present state of mind. Also realizing that you are stressed and sabotaging yourself because of this, does not help you to stress less, if anything, it makes its worse.

Remember though, I was not alone. Thus, I was not the only one to recognize my stress.

While frantically attempting to complete an exam, flick. Something dashed across the corner of my eye. Flick. Then again. Just visible enough to pass through the outer most edges of my peripheral vision. My stress, turned anxiety and a bundle of nerves, distracted now by the slightest of sights, it tries to call my attention to it, but my determination keeps my inner chaos on the screen. My movements now jerky, as I search about the screen and desk before me, for an answer. My almost paranoid state, now making me hyper aware of the set of eyes on me.

My mind is jumbled and my emotions in disarray, but both still scream at me to focus forward. In my head, there is knowledge that I will fail this exam, if I keep writing it the way I am now. I doubted myself and caused my own downfall.

Still alert, I now feel the presence to my right, of another living being. I still look forward. Then, over my headphones, so loud, that no amount of white noise could tune it out, a cry almost desperate in sound could be heard.

Pang

I feel my heart twist a little at the noise but also the flicker of warmth.

Finally removing my headphones and looking over to my right; in the doorway that couldn't quite be opened (thanks to the earlier dumbbells), lies an adorable bundle of fur. Her left paw stretched as far as it could reach through the crack in the door, right paw only slightly visible, her head poking part way through the opening, dividing her face in half, while she watches me with her big, bright eyes, and her ears back. Her body pushed as far as it could fit into the office, not managing to get past her shoulders.

My heart melts as I look at her. Her face shows concern, concern for me. She tried to force her way in, even though I locked her out, because she knew what state I was in.

A smile now stretching across my face, she knows her message has been heard and her mission was successful, as her tail, unseen, but heard, thumps happily, just past the door.

I walk over to the door, moving the weights, I pull it open completely, to which there is an instant response, of a 90-pound dog bounding from the ground and into my arms, with the energy of the little puppy she believes herself to still be. This action taking us both down, as she now lay on my chest licking my face happily, with just as much of an adorable face and nature, as when she was lap sized.

A simple yet heartfelt act. Even with her sitting on my chest, I giggle with the joy she provides me. Not an ounce of stress in my mind. After a few minutes of us both happily sitting on the ground, while I pet her softly on her head, I stand up, closing the door once again. This time, my little shadow stays in the room with me.

I returned to my exam, full of confidence and my emPAWering pup warming my toes. Any time I'm hit with the slightest of stress, I reach down and run my fingers through her soft fur. I rechecked the entire exam, corrected my errors and even made up for lost time.

When I got my exam back a few weeks later, the results were PAWsome, and all thanks to my fur-baby.

From that day on, I never left her out of the office, ESPECIALLY not on exam days.

I gave her a home, but she makes it feel happy.

My wonderful dog - you stole my heart.