A Journey of Intention Discovered through Horses - Part 5

This is the write-up for what was accomplished by me in my horse world this month on the journey to achieving goals. I had to make some choices with intention.

Blu mostly got pasture turn-out for the month, receiving only a handful of sessions with me. She has been enjoying her free-and-wild time hanging with her best horse friend, and eating grass, while I decided I needed to spend time with two other horses, Derby and Maiya, to prepare them for sale. I’ll be getting back to spending more time again with Blu shortly.

My lesson this month? I have to learn to let go. Sometimes letting go is necessary, holding on is selfish. The trick is discovering where your decision balances on that tightrope.

I’m pretty hard on myself. I always think I can and should do everything myself. But honestly, when I try to do everything, nothing is done well, and everyone - every being - suffers. So even though I feel responsible for doing “it all” by myself, that is not the best decision for anyone. Even for myself, in all reality. So it’s time to do a deep gut-check, being completely honest with myself. Complete honesty includes intentionally seeking input from my supporters, and especially from the animals I claim to care so much about. Truly caring is doing what’s best for those in my care, regardless of what’s “best” for me. Is this what’s best for them? No – no, I think not. Not for the animals, nor the humans.

I realize I need to reduce my herd in order to focus on what I want to accomplish. This will free up time, energy and resources that I can invest in achieving my goals, and caring for my family, both human and animal. I’m starting with these two horses. This is a difficult decision for me, as I have invested a lot of time and emotion into these two, as with all. It’s a catch-22: the horses need time and attention in order to make them salable to the best possible homes, but the more time I spend with the beasts, the more attached I get, making it more difficult to let go. They are special horses, but I have come to realize that we all would benefit from making changes.

I feel like I’m selling out, but I don’t think I really am. I have gotten the chance to do what I always wanted to do, now my dreams have shifted. I think I should allow that to happen, and quit clinging onto something that, quite honestly, is not serving anyone well. Hanging on is just a non-decision based in selfishness and fear. Where's my courage?

In all truth, I don’t think this is what I want anymore, but I don’t know how to let go. I know I’m not doing a good job – my heart’s not in it, but every one of these horses has a piece of my heart.

I need to clear some things to make space for others. I need to make peace, and do it mindfully. I need to do my best in making the right decisions for all the beings in my life. That is my obligation. That is unconditional love.

So my challenge to you is to be completely honest with yourself. Open yourself up deeply, and ask yourself the toughest, most uncomfortable questions. Only then can you make the most authentic decisions and actions going forward; only then can you live intentionally.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

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