Your emotion is (not always) valid.

Have you ever regretted doing or saying something you wish you didn't? I think everyone has already experienced this. One morning, I regret saying (texting) a long Slack chat to my coworker to defend my argument. Although I tried to be polite, I wonder why I didn't do it shortly, casually, or take it easy. Later I realized that I was hungry and sleep-deprived. It affects my mood, thoughts, and emotions.

In Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman mentioned the research about judges' decisions on a trial based on the time they execute it. There is a difference between convictions before and after lunch. Before lunch, when they are hungry, the number of approved pleas is almost zero. The judges show no mercy. However, the condition changes after lunch. Turns out, the judges are being more merciful than before!

It's just like the hangry moment, right? If you find yourself really hungry right now, then the best thing you can do is just eat. Don't make any decisions, take some rest, and avoid any conversation as much as possible. I guarantee that this will save you from any guilty or embarrassing moments.

Unconsciously, our emotions are affected by several factors. Internal factors, like food intake or sleep, affect our mood highly. Let's say that we are sleep-deprived and step on our cat on the way to the bathroom. We might think, what a bad way to start the day! But that will be different when we sleep earlier. We might be well-rested and feel energized. We're still the same person, but our moods and emotions are affected by our sleep.

Seems like our emotion is fleeting.

So, contrary to popular self-help or motivation quotes that mention our emotion is valid, let ourselves feel our emotion, et cetera, I want to say the opposite. Our emotions are not always valid.

But, is that mean we need to avoid the things that severely affect our mood? Not quite so. It's impossible to avoid everything we don't like anyway. We only need to be aware of what happened and give some time for us to handle the emotions.

My therapist said we need to embrace our emotions to understand what causes them to appear. By giving time to accept our emotions, it will change and dissipate.

In the end, the internal or external factors that happen to us are not fully in our control. Emotion is one factor we can't fully control, too. For example, we can sleep for 8 hours straight but still feel depressed afterward. So, sleep is not the case here. What is the cause, then?

However, we can control our reactions to our emotions. In Feeling Good, the psychiatrist David Burns describes that we feel what we think. When our thoughts are positive, we will feel good. And vice versa. Also, there is a difference between our thoughts, emotions, and actual fact or events. Our thoughts might not reflect the actual fact. However, this false perception can negatively affect our mood.

It is that simple but so significant. For example, consider you are waiting in line for a bus. A person is talking loudly to his phone beside you, and you think he is rude. So, you are mad about the person and yell at him. But, you find that other people are okay with him. Same condition, different emotions!

Thankfully, David Burns describes that we can change the way we think. For instance, we can perceive the annoying loud person in the waiting line differently. Like, we can think maybe he has an urgency or is late for a meeting. This will alter how we perceive him. We will tolerate the person or even be sympathetic to him.

We can manage our thoughts. Knowing our thoughts and changing them slightly to our preferred way will change our emotions. Try it, and this will change your life!