You say you want a resolution, yeah

Resolution. Noun. "a firm decision to do or not to do something."

I've never been fond of the term resolution. I've set resolutions in previous years, but I can't remember keeping a single one. When I noticed how rarely resolutions panned out, I abandoned them altogether. I maintained a laid-back attitude. I played it cool. Cue Doris Day. Truthfully, I believe I was simply afraid of failing once more.

I have a hard time giving up on things. I don't like to call it quits. Some may say that I'm stubborn as an ox. I want to tell those people, "You should meet my father."

It's true, though. I don't like to give up on things once I've started them. This fear of failure is part of why I don't paint as much as I should. If I can't complete a project in one sitting, I don't know if I'll finish it. It's also part of the reason why I refused to acknowledge that I had a problematic relationship with alcohol for so long.

But I digress.

There was a point in time that I didn't think I'd be alive to see the year 2025. At least I did my best to try to stop that from happening. Yet, here we are. As I write this, it is the 13th day of 2025.

2024 was a year of growth in many ways. 2024 was the year I took all the tools I'd added to my toolbelt from therapy sessions and AA meetings and put them to work. I did not start the year with a resolution, but I did set out with a goal in mind: Stop drinking and start living. And so that is what I did. I went back to school, started live streaming regularly on YouTube, and I've begun to develop valuable video editing skills I did not possess. I also gained a small community of like-minded individuals to whom I wake up and say good morning daily.

I've rediscovered parts of myself that I thought were lost forever.

So, in the same vein, I'm not choosing a resolution this year. Instead, I am going to keep on living but bigger and better.

For 2025, I plan on reaching 1000 subscribers on YouTube and becoming a Twitch partner. Now, some may scoff at these paltry numbers and minimal goals, but, to me, this is only the beginning. Baby steps have brought me back to myself, so baby steps are the way that I will continue to grow.

In addition, I am back in school. My sights are set higher. Now that I have an Associate's degree under my belt, why not aim for a Bachelor's? I plan on majoring in English and minoring in Religious Studies. These are two subjects of immense interest to me. Reading and writing have been a part of my life since before I could hold a pencil.

For so long, I allowed the monster that is alcoholism to reside not only under my bed but in my mind, consuming me every time I took even the tiniest sip. It held onto my life and ate away my days, months, and YEARS.

And I'm not letting it retake me.

To supplement my degree, I plan to make Vocal more prominent in my day-to-day life. I say this, but I am not making a promise that I will be posting daily. No, that is a bit too risky for my fragile ego. What I will say, though, is that I will be coming here first to share things I write, and I will try to actively make time every now and then to post something new, even if it is only 100 words long, so that I may hone the craft I have been studying for the last four years.

I have big hopes of getting a job in writing somehow, in some way. I need to put together a portfolio, and I also need to have content to put into it. Thus, Vocal will be seeing a lot more of me as 2025 progresses. I sure hope it's ready!

Some people like to say things like, "This is my year!" or "This year will be all about me." I don't want to go that far. I'd like to share my year with everyone. I hope everyone I know and those I don't know has a good year. No, scratch that. I hope we all have a great year. As society changes and we grow older, the world seems less warm and kind. But I have faith that there is a significant change coming that will wipe that feeling away soon enough. Faith and gratitude can do a lot, and these are two platforms I plan to stand firm on in this new year.

There is one promise that I will make to myself, and it has become a sort of mantra that I follow to this day. I promise never to compare myself to those around me, only to who I was the day before. I cannot strive to be someone I am not, but I can strive to be a more improved version of myself. Would my younger self look at me today and think that I am someone to aspire to be like, or would she turn her back on me?

Honestly, she would probably think I was pretty weird and that she could do whatever I was doing better than I am currently doing it.

But, deep down, I know she would admire my spirit and drive. These traits are something that has always been a part of me, and it is something that I will never allow to slip away from me ever again.

I'm so ready for whatever 2025 dishes out to me and I won't play it cool this time. Bring it on!