Write It Down, and Watch It Become Real

“Write it down, and watch it become real.”

Liv let the mantra repeat in her mind as she cracked open a fresh pack of her favorite travel sized Moleskine notebooks. This would be her eleventh attempt at journaling her desires into existence. Though no two pages of each previous journal were the same, one thing remained consistent: she always chose their color to be as black as a cold winter’s night. It had become almost a superstition.

Opening the book to the first page, she declared (as usual) that this one would be different. Butterflies and embers danced inside her as she dreamed about all the wishes and possibilities that would soon fill the pages. She didn’t bother to check herself that this ritual had not exactly resulted in all of her wildest dreams coming true in the previous notebooks. But this time it felt different.

Alas, Liv had it figured out! She had discovered the cog in the wheel. She decided she would not entertain what she had finally narrowed down as the single most sabotaging block to all her dreams and desires: doubt.

It took her the amount of time it takes to click open a pen to decide what she was going to go after first.

$20,000

She wrote it down neat and clear, yet was sure to exaggerate the zeros in the most playful way. For each loop she closed, her smile grew wider and her being swelled with pride/decree.

$20,000. It was do-able, she decided. It wasn’t as intimidating as, say, $2,000,000, but it was more than the $200 comfort zone she would rather ask for in playing small to protect her ego if it didn’t happen. Today, however, it felt entirely possible, and the final zero was sealed before any other thoughts could join in.

Liv knew the next step of the exercise was to spend a few minutes writing out her happy fantasies about what it would feel like to have this infusion of capital, and how fun it would be to spend it. Just as she picked up the pen to move these ideas onto a new line, her phone vibrated deeply into the reclaimed wood table she was writing on.

Mom <3

Popped up on the screen. Liv felt a slight twinge of frustration arise, for this call had interrupted her flow state. The phone vibrated twice more as she decided if she was going to take it, and with a faint tut, she reached for it on its last ring before it would go to voicemail.

“Hey mom,” she sighed.

“Liv! I’m sorry honey, I know this is your day off, but I need you to come help me. I’m getting ready for later and I realize I won’t have time to make it to the store. Can you come now, and stop on your way to pick up a few things for me?”

Liv rolled her eyes. She was supposed to enjoy another three solid hours of free time before her little sister’s birthday party. She let some silence pass after her mom’s request, partly letting her reaction diffuse, and partly hoping that some magical alternative solution would suddenly come flying in and her mom would say, “Oh wait, nevermind!”

She waited an extra moment for the latter. And then just one more, just in case the magic miracle had missed the first bus.

Defeated. Nearly. Her final play: expressing a resistant attitude in hopes her mom would realize she really didn’t want to.

“Uhhh, yeah... I guess,” she bemoaned. But before she could finish the sound of “ess” with her extra bit of drama, Liv’s mom was already rattling off a shopping list.

“...and olive oil, and, oh! The cake!”

“Wait... what? I didn’t hear everything you said. Can you just text me what to get and where to go?”

“Yes, sweetie. But I need you to go now. I need the olive oil for what I’m making. I thought I had another bottle but - ” Her mom trailed off. Liv was too busy feeling into the disappointment of her reduced free time to properly end the call.

Her precious flow had been broken. Agghhhh. She looked down at the near-empty page - there were no feelings written out yet, there were no fantasies scribed. Now how was she supposed to make things happen?

Great start… She murmured under her breath, and suddenly felt ridiculous for thinking she could now manifest what eleven previous notebooks couldn’t. The spiral down was starting.

But move a muscle, change a thought. As she stood up from the table and surrendered her irritation in a huff, she felt a subtle feeling inside nudge, Just go with it.

She realized what she had just done: She was repeating the same pattern she said she wouldn’t with this notebook. She had introduced resistance - doubt - into the process.

Just go with it.

This inkling flickering inside was attempting to recalibrate her, and so she decided to follow the impulse. With that, Liv hurried over to pull on her favorite sweater and slipped on her sneakers with a newfound eagerness. As she grabbed her phone to head out the door, her mother’s text message came through with the details.

Despite being treated to a beautiful acapella rendition of “Stand By Me” by a panhandling musician, she found her train ride from Brooklyn to Manhattan to be uninspiring.

“So what am I just going to find a bag of money in the middle of the street in one of the busiest cities in the world?”

As she walked up from the depths of the subway, the warm sunshine on her face brought her back to a feel good state.

Whoops. Go away, doubt. She realigned.

The grocery store was just a few blocks from the subway entrance. At least that came easy. She wobbled.

It was only eight blocks from the store to her family’s apartment, but with her hands full - cake in one, balloons in the other, and a full bag slung over her shoulder - a taxi seemed best.

As Liv stepped out into the street to hail with her balloon hand, she caught a sun glimmer of something glass-like on the pavement. Before she could get a better look, a taxi pulled up to her feet, and she quickly dismissed it as a chunk of broken glass.

After a slight juggle, she opened the back door and placed the cake inside, followed by the balloons and the grocery bag. As she sat down and went to pull the door closed, another flare of light caught her eye. There was something about it.

“Sorry, just a minute.” She told the driver as she stepped back out of the cab. The allure had her captivated, and she scooped up the mysterious nugget before swiftly jumping back into the car. Once inside, she opened her hand and her breath was taken away. If it was a piece of glass, it was perfectly cut.

“Where we going, miss?” The driver asked again. She hadn’t heard him the first time.

“Uhhh… 87th and 2nd.”

He responded with a foot to the pedal. Normally she would at least add on a please or a thank you, but right then she was transfixed. Surely it was too big to be anything treasured… it had to be a cubic zirconia if anything. It was as if she was afraid to believe that it could actually be of any real value.

Why would it be just there on the street in such raw form? Had it been knocked out of its casing somehow? What are the chances?

That doubt again.

But there was something about this day, and something about this rock she held. It was as if the whole universe had slowed down around her as she focused into the gem.

“Right or left side?” The driver said again, after she didn’t hear him, again.

She looked up at the street sign, back into the world. They were stopped at a light on 84th. “Right…. Please.”

As her eyes panned down on their way back into the car to resume her examination, they stopped on a green awning where they caught the word ‘Jewelry’. In the window was a sign “We buy on the spot. Gold. Silver. Diamonds.”

Yes.

Another subtle impulse. She wanted to brush it off. Was she really just going to stop everything and go into this random jeweler with a piece of glass she had just found on the street?

Yes.

Just go with it.

“Ummm…. I’m sorry…” Liv quickly found the confidence. “Can you actually pull over right here instead?”

The driver asked no questions, and as soon as the light turned, he pulled over to the side of 2nd Avenue. With the rock clasped firmly in her hand, she paid the taxi and reloaded herself up with the party goods. She exited, full-on mid leap of faith mode now.

“Well someone’s about to have a happy birthday! What can I help you with today?” The jeweler smirked from behind the counter as she pulled the balloons into the store.

Inside, Liv felt a mix of shock and hope so high that she was trying to shoot it down with detachment. It wasn’t working. She settled the cake on the counter and her bag down at her feet. She noticed herself shaking as she opened her hand to expose the rock.

“I’m wondering about… this.”

Before she could give it over to the jeweler, she saw both his eyebrows raise up and a twinkle cross his eye.

“It’s… marvelous…” Without taking his eyes off of it, he pulled a loupe out of his shirt pocket and brought it up close to his eye for inspection. She shifted her feet in anticipation.

“Ahh… this is a big one.”

She shifted again in the silence he was taking to study it.

“My goodness...yes. This is one exquisite diamond. Are you looking to sell it?”

She found herself too afraid to respond, move, react - as if it might rip her from the moment and send her back into some lesser version of reality. Would it really be this easy?

“Um, I think so…”

“I’ll give you twenty thousand.”

Her heart jumped, her breath gasped, her eyes swelled up with tears, and her mouth gaped open all at once.

“I can give you five thousand in cash and the rest in a check,” he continued.

Was this real? She looked down at her hands to make sure she was actually there.

The transaction was a blur, though as he counted out fifty $100 bills, she found herself canceling out another round of doubt as she wondered if she should seek a second opinion - was it worth more? She resolved that this felt like an honest man running a business a few blocks from her childhood home. And she wouldn’t have been given a miracle just to be deceived. Not to mention, it was exactly the round number she wrote down.

Needless to say, she entered her family home armed to celebrate with a little extra zest that day. Before she could offload the supplies in the kitchen, she had fully launched into her magical story. Her family squealed and cried with delight, but nothing compared to her sister’s reaction when Liv later handed her $1000 in birthday cash from her bounty.

Returning home that evening, she placed the check and the remainder of cash on the table next to her notebook, which was still open to page one. Liv couldn’t help but shake her head and chuckle as she realized she had simply scribbled down seven characters - all that was required to manifest what eleven previous notebooks filled cover-to-cover couldn’t. Well, almost all. She had removed all doubts around what she wanted, and for that she was rewarded.

Liv marveled in wonder and excitement as she realized the pages of possibilities that sat before her.

So… what next?