Why We Don't Trust Others or Ourselves

In a world where fabricated reality abounds and where we are surrounded by an endless supply of opinions, there are many places to look for answers. We may have questions about career opportunities, relationships, childcare, travel destinations, cooking tips, or how not to be bored on a Saturday night. All one has to do to find solutions is search online and see what hundreds or even thousands of people have to say about it.

Google Search has become the new consultant for both the experts and the amateurs. It is such a common practice that we wonder how the world got along before this easy accessible mine of knowledge. Did one really just read a newspaper or ask a neighbor for advice? May seem silly now but maybe what we do today is just a modern version of the old fashioned world-of-mouth way of sharing information.

Instead of asking Aunt Polly how to garden we just look up an article or video to learn from. The unknown instructor tells us what to do and how to do it while promising success and fulfillment. The difference is without Aunt Polly there, to oversee, instruct, and compensate during the learning process, we are more likely to make mistakes and not achieve the desired result. If our unsupervised efforts do not bring the success we are hoping for our response will fall into one of two categories.

1. The information was inaccurate

2. Lack of talent or ability in the learner

If the former, then we may give up for a time but the determined will dive back in, doing more research to find the best advice and learn from a true expert.

If the latter, we are more likely to abandon our new hobby thinking it’s not right for us. Our assumed lack of talent will cause some to return to more familiar activities while others will just continue searching for something else new.

While there very well may have been error in the online teacher’s methods, or perhaps we really do not possess a green thumb, the problem may have arisen from a lack of connection between student and instructor. If there is not a certain level of commonalty established how can any guidance effective?

You can’t grow a cactus by treating it like an apple tree. No matter how good of a gardener your instructor is, even if they learned their knowledge from growing the best apple trees in the country, their methods will not be right for the little indoor cactus you just brought home. You need different knowledge than what they have.

This concept doesn’t just apply to growing plants. For relationships; everyone is different and just because your favorite celebrity swears that what she did in her relationship is the solution to all relationships everywhere that doesn’t mean that her methods are going to work for you. She may have an apple tree and you may be dating a cactus.

It’s very straightforward if you think about it but so often forgotten when see are seeking for answers. We take the advice we find and if it doesn’t work out we blame ourselves or the place we got it from. This causes us to trust less in our abilities or in whatever website or individual we heard it from.

The attitude of mistrust spreads as reviews and comments add to the collection of available opinions. This feedback is helpful in some ways but again, who is to know if the critics are just cactus growers trying to follow apple-tree growing instructions.

The solution?

• Know yourself. Experience life to find out your interests and strengths. Don’t be afraid to work harder to be better. Acknowledge your weakness as something that makes you unique and gives you the opportunity to connect with others in the universal struggle of improvement.
• Determine your needs. There is so much information out there for everything imaginable. Your lifestyle requires only certain knowledge that is entwined with the unnecessary. In that maze of confusion you must have a direction.
• Seek trustful sources. The truth is out there. It may be in a research article or a lifestyle blog. You may have to verify facts and eliminate falsehoods. You may fall victim to individuals who advertise expertise with alternative motives. Learn to recognize truth and build trust in yourself.