When You Have Lost All Hope Part 2

I had already secured a 2 bedroom apartment for us to move to about 2 weeks later. After moving with my daughter, and separating from my husband is where I thought everything would start to go better. I was completely wrong looking back now, this is the point where my life started to go down. I just didn't' see it being the one in the moment, living it.

I'll give you a little insight into my life before I grew up that may help you understand myself a little better. I was the baby in the family. I grew up with both parents , as well as an older brother who was 5 years older than me. Growing up we did not have a lot of money. My dad was sick and unable to work, while my mom took on working 2 shifts. My mom would go to work early in the morning, home for a couple hours and then back to work for 5pm to work till about 9 or 10pm before returning home. My brother and I pretty much took care of ourselves, taking turns watching our sick dad, while my mom was working. Not much of a childhood. My Dad ended up passing away on my 12th birthday October 24, 1997. I grew up without him. Grade 8 graduation, grade 12 graduation, birth of my daughter and my wedding day all without him, was probably one of the hardest events that I had to live with. We lived in a poor part of the city and my mom made a promise to my dad while he was on his death bed, to get me out of the bad area of the city before I became a teenager. My mom worked every harder, started her own cleaning business, bought a house in another okay area, but up the street was another bad part. My mom and brother were exactly alike, they even looked alike. He was my moms favorite. My dad and I were extremely close, and that bond just wasn't there anymore with his passing. When I hit the age of 16 years old, my mom and I had a huge falling out, because of her I suffered through a mild depression. She refused to believe the fact that the cause of it was because of her. At the age of 19 years old I met my husband, got engaged and moved out into our first apartment. By this point I had already held a diploma with honors in Hairstyling School and completing my first year of Early Childhood Education program. I paid for both post secondary schools myself. I worked hard at the same time as going to school, worked for everything I ever wanted. That is a condensed version of my life.

In 2013 , when I left my husband and moved into my own place, this is the first time in a long time that I truly felt lonely. Even though, while we were together, I pretty much ran the household and provided for my daughter with no help from him. I was pretty much doing it on my own then except for having the second income coming in. When this became actual reality, it felt a lot different then actually doing it alone with him still in the house. I suddenly had my weekends free, as my daughter went to her dad’s every weekend, so that they could still keep a close bond together. This is where I went wrong.