When I feel lost, I tune into the universe; she will never let me down

A means to an end, plus I was saving thousands on rent. I joined the local gym, a few blocks from the hospital, and would go there to shower before work.

When you live in your car, you realize how much time gets spent at home. I also learned how much I took for granted having a house.

Instead of going home at night, I would go to the gym, sit in the sauna, and then the hot tub. It was a very relaxing time in my life. I did not sit after work on my computer or watch TV. I consumed less and lived more.

On my days off, I would lay in a local park, read a book, and spend time with my sister. She thought I was staying at a friend’s house, which I was for a short time until she joined the Peace Corps.

Luckily I had a big car; I had a honda element named Stella. She was the best car I ever had and paid off. I sold her when I left to a girl named Sarah. I hope she enjoys her as much as I did. Stella was the first car I bought after my divorce.

Before Stella, I drove a Range Rover (my ex-husbands choice, I wanted a Honda Element and he told me NO!); that car was a beast and in the shop at least once a week. After we divorced, I traded it into the Honda dealer. He was a lemon, to say the least, and I still owed a ton of money, so Stella’s payments were more than expected, but I still managed to pay her off in four years.

Sometimes I look back and wish I had kept her, but I know the stress of what to do with a car when you gallivant the world would have been too much for me.

Yet, for a short time, we bonded; she was big enough for me to lay down in and stealthy enough that no one noticed I lived in her for a few months. It was before car living was ¨cool¨, but so many nurses did it. I was per diem at the hospital but worked full-time hours. I also had a few other jobs that I was always at, so to say I was a workaholic would be an understatement.

I had a plan, a mission, and a dream. I would do whatever it took to achieve it, and I did. My goal was clear. That is the thing, when you declare what you want, the doors you need will show up, and the way will open to allow it to happen.

I believe in magic and know that magic will occur once your heart and soul are on the same path. The problem we have or I have, is my conflicted feelings. I have a plan and a goal, but if my heart and soul do not line up, the way will not open. When I am wishy-washy, the path will not open.

For example, My home I love it, for now. I want to garden it and take care of it as if it is my own. The owner said we could buy the house and to make her an offer. While this is so tempting to me, there is something that does not line up with my long-term plan.

There is no space to host others. There is no space to build cabins to host retreats. There is no space for all the cows and horses I want to rescue. It is too close to the neighbors and not secluded in the jungle. Then I think, well, is the universe opening this opportunity up for me to have a home, or is she testing me, and questioning, Sara, what do you want?

I already know the answer to this. This land is excellent and unique, but not my forever home. I have a vision of what my forever home will look like, and this is not it.

Like when I sold all my things, the universe opened up how it would happen. This space allows me to dream, practice, and cultivate my dreams and the land. Yet it is not the place tucked inside a mountain — a river running along the edges and space for others to come and explore.

One thing I know about my life is when it is correct and when it is not. It is not the place in my vision; if it were, I would move heaven and earth to obtain it, yet it is not.

I have also had a setback this week as the land has slowed me down and talked to me. I was working in my garden at some point and was stung by something.

I do not even remember as I get bit all the time. Bug bites do not bother me; they get red for a minute and disappear as if nothing happened. I never wear bug spray as most of it is toxic. Yet the other day, I noticed a red spot near my eye, and it was not going away, but I figured, eh, it would be no big deal.

Then I started to get tired and stuffy, almost like I had allergies, very unexpected here. The heat and weather here agree with my body. So I took the signs of feeling off to rest; I watched some Netflix.

When I got up, my eye was even more swollen; I placed ice on it and went to bed. The following day I could not open my eye. Try reading or doing anything with one eye; it was a disaster. I knew it was a sign to rest; I took some Benadryl and crashed out on the couch all day in a Benadryl haze. By the end of the day, my eye could open but was still swollen. This morning it is swollen but much better; I can see out of it.

So I am sitting here thinking, is the universe talking to me? I always think she is, and I know she is telling me. You love this land, but it is not the one.

It is like looking for your partner; you will know instantly within your heart and soul. Just like I knew, living in my car and getting uncomfortable would make sure I got on that plane four years ago today.

The house I am in now is perfect for now. I have a few more things to learn, and a few things are not lining up as they do when it is time. So I will listen, explore and be open to what presents itself, knowing the big picture and seeing what leads me there; it is never the way I expect.