When do you know that the spark is gone?

Relationships are beautiful, make us feel loved and cared for, especially when we’ve gone through so many different types of relationships and you finally found someone who makes you feel alive. The honeymoon phase of a relationship is where both of you are deeply invested in each other, wanting to be together all the time, cuddling the relationship as of it were a newborn baby. Depending on how quickly the relationship progresses, the next few months will determine how long it will last; if everything happens quickly, the “I love you” phrase goes out fast, allowing each other to be a big part of each other’s personal lives rapidly, the likelihood of the relationship lasting or the mystery of the relationship will fizzle out. Here are a few signs that will determine that the relationship’s spark is dimming and how to solve the issue.

Kissing Patterns Change

When the relationship has a rapid beginning, the planet seems to feel like it stops from rotating and the passion between the two of you is at its peak when your lips lock. The amount of kissing is immensely high, the connectivity between the two people is magnetic, and the intrigue of the feeling when the person you “love” kisses you is as if it were your first time being kissed. Those days in the honeymoon phase are the best and are meant to be enjoyed, because if the climax of the relationship was due to the amount of physical attraction was due to the passionate nature of the kissing, then the rest of the relationship will start to lose its spark and the partnership will start to feel less secure. Taking notice of the gradual changes of one’s patterns and demeanor will be tale-tell signs of whether you need to rekindle the spark and if kissing can play a role in the rebuilding process. When other factors are established in the courting phase, the kissing comes until later into the process, allowing the two people to build a foundation for which the relationship can lead. Kissing should be something that is in the same category as physical intimacy and should be held off until further into the establishment to allow the building of the connection and the flame.

Less chatter makes everyone bitter

Communication is one of the signs of a healthy relationship, but it has to be positive and it has to constant. If there is dialogue between one another in a relationship, there is a clear understanding of each other’s needs, and if there are problems, they need to be discussed… the relationship will have a fighting chance. Communication whether good or bad, believe it or not, has equal benefits in building a successful relationship. When there are things that are kept bottled up and none of it gets relieved in fear that your partner may not like what you have to say or don't like confrontation, it is best to sit down and have civil, mature dialogue, or else you will never know what needs to be fixed. Couples that have daily conversations and build a foundation based on open communication are less likely to have a fallout or are less likely to have a failing relationship. Healthy dialogue is being open and honest with your partner, telling them what is on your mind, letting your partner what you expect from them, and what you feel can be done better; it's naive to think that there is no room for improvement. Opening the lines of communication will liven the relationship's mood, bring back the spark, and remind one another what kept you two together.

Listening is so yesterday

Knowing where your partner is mentally is more important than knowing where they are physically; your partner can tell you where they are at all times or can be with you 24/7, but if you don't know how they're feeling or what they're thinking, this could be the thing that breaks the relationship apart. For example, how would you feel if your partner would never ask you how you're doing, how you're feeling, how your day went, if there was something that was bothering you, or if there was something they can do for you? I personally have not felt comfortable with being in a one-sided relationship where I was the only one asking how the other person felt and not getting the same in return. Listening to the other person's needs opens doors to new and better things, allowing one another to have a better understanding of what may be lacking in your dynamic, and may open your eyes to think you didn't know were happening. It's one thing to have a great conversation, but it is equally important to listen to the other end of the conversation and allowing them to bring their points forward; make sure to not miss anything, every detail of what they're saying is valuable. For instance, if your partner is trying to tell you that they are feeling uninterested in the relationship, but you only manage to hear bits and pieces of what they say in spite of getting your point across, then you will miss the red flags of the relationship starting to be in shambles. Opening your mind and the proactive part of your hearing may result in acknowledging what may need fixing and find common ground on where to start the recovery process. Not only will your partner feel heard, but your relationship will thank you and you will be able to find ways to bring the heat back into your relationship.

Admittance and Surrender is never easy

Whenever we make a mistake, whether saying something that didn’t feel right or doing something you knew would hurt your partner, it’s never easy to admit we were wrong, and it’s more difficult to surrender to the idea of fault. Admittance and surrender are two factors for which can change the dynamic of a relationship; lack of admitting fault can break even the strongest relationship, failing to surrender to the guilt caused by the mistake can cause lack of trust versus acceptance of both can help to rekindle and rebuild what was damaged in the process. A lot of the time, our human instinct is to run from conflict or go towards avoidance, but unresolved issues go without discussion and can create a hostile environment for those involved. In my experience, I have always been open and honest about things I’ve done wrong and have taken the higher road, whether my partner liked it or not, and it has benefited me at the end. The easiest way to go about it, is to just get it over with and admit to your part of the fault and surrender to the fact that you were partially to blame, and everything will then fall into place from there. I promise it will help with your relationship in the long run.

Personal Space turned in a Group Activity

When the relationship is built on spending every waking minute together; dropping each off everywhere, going out everywhere together, spending time at each other’s place every day, and just making everything about “we” instead of me especially when you’re starting off or not married, the relationship loses its sense of mystery, it becomes toxic and invasive. We’ve all experienced it, in the beginning stages of a relationship, we want to get to know the person we’re dating regardless of the way we are choosing to do so, then we lose track of who we are as individuals. I have a work colleague that is a great example of this, she had gone from relationship to relationship trying to find something to fill the void of the guy that left her to get married to someone else. She knows deep in her heart that she is hurting over what happened, but is still scouting the field for the next replacement... I personally don't think this is healthy. Apart from that, she is still in touch with the unfaithful ex, doing their toxic roundabouts, little does her new man know that she is still very much in love with her ex. My point is, the colleague hadn’t given herself time to recover from the tragedy of her last relationship, immediately ended up finding someone that was quite similar to her ex, but cannot trust anyone due to what her ex put her through, and she now allowed the new man to enter into her life so quickly that she is there with him every single minute without space to breathe. She has grown weary of this relationship but will not let go in fear that he will run off and find someone else, creating the same patterns from her past. Word of advice: never be afraid to spend quality time with yourself, reconnecting with your inner peace, recovering from anything that may have affected you from moving forward because no one knows you better that yourself and no one will be able to fix you… quality time is not always a group activity, it is also time to gather your thoughts and reconvene with what makes you the upmost best version of yourself.

What is the next step?

The million dollar question now is, “Where do we go from here”? Every relationship requires work and do not usually get resolved with the same tactics, the best thing to do is sit down with your partner figure out where the problems sprouted from, how can they be fixed or if they can be fixed, or if it is best to move on from this point. Some relationships are not meant to withstand the test of time, some people are there to teach us a lesson for things that we should be looking for, and others are there to help propel us forward to become better. Take the time to get to know your partner and what they can bring to the table, only then will you figure out if this is a good fit and if it can be long term, and if the spark can be kept alive. Communication is key to all things good, and can answer many questions.