What Makes You Complete

Have you ever felt like your missing something? Here is my story, the story of a medical mystery.

Backstory: I was born in Tucson Arizona becoming the 2nd child of my two young parents. My brother, who’s two and a half years older than me, was ecstatic to have a new baby in the family so I received a lot of love and attention. I was almost 3 when we moved to Utah, where my family previously lived. We lived in my grandma’s basement as we waited for our house to be built and after it was my parents took no time to get us moved in and settled. Next thing you know I’m about three and a half and my sister is born. All the love my brother had shown me shifted to her. As a kid I resented her for stealing him, my best friend. The two of them were trouble makers, while I took on the role of the angel child. I took it upon myself to raise my sister, in a sense. I gave her my attention, once my brothers faded as he grew older. I was around 8 years old when I learned I was the most responsible out of my siblings, I remember my parents going on date night and telling me I was in charge but they had to tell my brother he was. I was babysitting by age 9, I took care of my sister day in and day out. I caught on pretty quick that this would be the rest of my life. That’s when the bullying started. I was bullied for all kinds of things. My classmates bullied me, my cousins harassed me in multiple ways, my brother didn’t realize what impact his words had on me either, etc. Things only got worse from there. The once outgoing innocent angel child was torn to shreds and instead emerged a broken young woman. I became quiet and withdrew from anything and everyone, including my poor sister who probably needed me the most. At age 12 I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I had spun down a rabbit hole and there was no way to fix the damage. Being on and off medications led to me developing an eating disorder. The older I got the more diagnosis I obtained: OCD, ADHD, etc. That’s when the abdominal pain began. I became a medical mystery. Doctor’s appointments after doctor’s appointments and to no avail. Eventually the figured out I am chronically ill with at least two specific illnesses.

Sometimes I question if that’s all I am, a problem that has yet to be solved. That’s why I decided to share my story. I know others feel the same at times. An almost complete puzzle with a missing piece can be the most frustrating thing but when you find that piece, when you put it in it’s place it all feels worth it. All the time and effort it took to figure it out finally pays off. That’s why I keep fighting every day, I know it’ll all be worth it. Keep up hope!

Five tips for helping yourself that I use: 1. Keep a journal of your day or your feelings (it helps to vent without needing to make sense) 2. Treat yourself to a self care/mental health day (relax by taking a bubble bath listening to music or going for a walk) 3. Do what you love to do (I enjoy baking so I make cookies) 4. Do yoga (just stretch honestly it is so refreshing) 5. Paint draw or doodle (dont think just do it)