What Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self?

My younger self had a lot of insecurities, some mental health issues, and a serious attitude problem.

My outlook on life was as shitty as can be, and I didn’t have anyone to look up to, much less give me advice on actions that would’ve been more beneficial to me than the ones I was currently engaging in… so here goes nothin’.

Misery loves company, but your company might not want to be involved in your misery

I didn’t want to suffer in silence or suffer alone. And every time I entered a relationship or made a new friend, that person unknowingly got sucked into the swirling ball of bullshit that was my life.

It wasn’t fair to them, and those friendships and relationships never worked out. People will only put up with so much before they dip.

My issues weren’t meant to be dumped onto them, and I should’ve worked out my problems before dragging another person into my circumstances.

I was the constant downer, throwing myself a pity party every chance I got, and I have no doubt it was annoying as hell.

Don’t make people miserable just because it’s how you’re feeling.

You and your ex can most definitely not be friends

It might work on TV, or even for some real-life people, but for me in my past circumstances, it didn’t fucking work.

Not even a little bit.

Some of the people I dated might’ve been genuinely awesome people, and they probably would’ve made great friends, but my brain can’t separate what happened with a fresh start. I always saw them in a romantic fashion, even if I was no longer interested.

Flirting would always pick back up, and the attraction would always be there.

For me, exes need to be in my history only.

People change, but it’s their choice, and that’s not your responsibility

You’re not the puppet master of someone else’s life. Turn your ass around and walk away if someone has changing to do and you’re feeling the urge to push them along.

It’s not your responsibility to constantly encourage people to make themselves better. They might not want to change anything about themselves, and it’s not your business or your problem.

If your path doesn’t align with another person’s, don’t fiddle with their life.

Ghosting isn’t the way to walk away

I’ve written an article about my past ghosting habits, but I’ll say it again.

I’ve done it too many times to count, and I’ve legitimately regretted it each time. But it’s like an addiction. I can’t walk away with dignity. I have to run.

I don’t know where the instinct came from, but it’s there and I have a hard time fighting it.

I wish I’d known back then how many people would’ve stuck around, even through my issues, if I’d given them the chance. I didn’t, though, and they’re gone forever.

That’s a sadness I have to carry, and I did it to myself.

You don’t have to allow people to control you or your life

Even as a teenager, you can have your own opinions. You might not be allowed to act on all of them, but just because your parents have differing opinions doesn’t mean you have to conform.

I almost married an abusive, almost done with seminary, about to become a pastor, MORON…because I was afraid of coming out, and I didn’t want to lose my family or my friends.

That would’ve been the biggest mistake of my life, and I dodged a major bullet.

I conformed. I went to Bible college as they told me to, and I dated the ‘perfect’ guy because they wanted me to…

It could’ve ruined my life.

I thought the thoughts they wanted me to think, said the words they wanted me to say and did the things they wanted me to do.

The shit-show that followed my coming out was completely worth every awkward glance or ignorant comment. I’m happy now.

Your hobby/talent doesn’t have to be your career choice

I went to college and studied music, and because I’ve always been a vocalist I assumed that’s where my life had to go.

Wrong.

I can do what I’ve always wanted to do and still make time for my music.

I’m a nursing student, and I love taking care of people.

That’s what living the dream looks like for me. I couldn’t imagine living a life where I’m not helping people 24/7.

It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.

That can be my job, and my music can be my hobby. They are not mutually exclusive.

I’m sure there are other tips I needed, but these would’ve changed my life for the better. Although, who knows if I’d be where I am now if I hadn’t had the experiences I had.