Unplug from Approval: Find Happiness Your Way

Imagine this: you wake up one morning, the familiar weight of dissatisfaction pressing down on you. It's the same nagging feeling that something is missing. You crave happiness, but achieving it feels like chasing a wisp of smoke. This internal struggle is exactly where we begin. We all yearn for acceptance—that warm feeling of belonging and approval. But what if this very need for validation is the root of our unhappiness?

In this journey of self-discovery, I want to share a philosophy that has transformed countless lives, including mine: Adlerian psychology. It's a refreshing departure from traditional approaches, arguing that happiness isn't dictated by childhood experiences or external circumstances but by the choices we make right now.

Here's the truth bomb we all need to hear: those unspoken "Tasks of life"—the g good job, the marriage, the 2.5 kids—are just that: myths. Society whispers these goals in our ears, but they hold no real power. We have the freedom to define our own meaning and purpose and to create a life that resonates with our deepest desires. Adlerian psychology calls these fictional goals and emphasizes that true happiness comes from pursuing intrinsic goals we set for ourselves. Finding your passions and aligning your actions with your values, not chasing societal expectations, is the key to lasting fulfillment [Search for Adlerian psychology tasks of life].

But ditching the script comes with a responsibility: taking ownership of our happiness. Blaming the past or our circumstances is a dead end. We have the power to choose how we interpret events and to rewrite the narratives that hold us back. This empowers us to become the architects of our own joy. Adlerians believe our past experiences shape us, but they don't define us. We can choose how we react to situations and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves about the past. This shift in perspective allows us to move forward with a sense of agency.

Now, here's the kicker: true freedom comes from accepting that we can't please everyone. Constantly seeking approval is a recipe for anxiety and living a life that's not truly ours. The courage to be disliked and to stand by our values, even if it means facing disapproval, is a sign of genuine liberation. It's scary to step outside the lines of societal expectations, but the alternative is living a life of inauthenticity.

But hold on; this doesn't mean embracing laziness. Contributions and tasks are essential. Finding activities that contribute to a larger purpose, whether it's your family, community, or a cause you believe in, brings a sense of fulfillment that goes beyond external validation. This feeling of belonging and connection is crucial for happiness, but it should come from contributing to something bigger than ourselves.

Let's talk about relationships too. Imagine treating everyone with equal respect and dignity, from your best friend to the stranger on the street. This concept, called "horizontal relationships," fosters cooperation over competition, leading to healthier and more fulfilling connections. In Adlerian psychology, horizontal relationships are about mutual respect and understanding. It means treating everyone with the same level of courtesy and consideration, regardless of their social status or background [Search for Adlerian psychology horizontal relationships].

Finally, the present moment is our playground. Dwelling on the past or fretting about the future only steals our joy. By consciously choosing our actions and reactions in the present moment, we shape the trajectory of our happiness. Adlerian psychology emphasizes living in the "here and now." We can't change the past, and the future is uncertain, but we can choose how we live in the present moment. By focusing on our present actions and reactions, we shape our experiences and, ultimately, our happiness.

This is the essence of the journey I want to take you on. If you're tired of chasing external validation and ready to take control of your happiness, then join me. Let's break free from the shackles of approval-seeking and embrace the courage to live authentically. It's a path less traveled, but the rewards are immeasurable.

This philosophy might not resonate with everyone. Adlerian psychology is a distinct school of thought, and some may find its focus on present choices and reinterpreting the past unfamiliar. However, for those seeking a fresh perspective on happiness and fulfillment, it offers a powerful framework for living a life true to oneself. The courage to be disliked may seem daunting, but the alternative—living a life inauthentically seeking approval—is far more frightening.

So, are you ready to embark on this journey? Let's rewrite the narratives that hold us back, embrace the courage to be disliked, and find the happiness that comes from living with purpose and authenticity.