Unlocking the Shy Artist Inside Me

This 2024 was a year of healthy growth for me in many ways. The biggest growth I am excited about has been finding new ways to embrace the artist inside of me and push myself to new heights. This is what I want 2025 to be about. Vocal and its community, I know, are a safe place to be able to do that. I do hope you make it down the page to see more of my art.

I no longer want to live in fear or embarrassment about how my writing or drawing may turn out. There is no success in life without many failures, but are they really failures? No longer in my eyes are they seen as such.

I have found so much healing in my soul as I draw new characters and find ways to pull new inspiration from the already amazing artwork that is out there.

It brings me new joy and comfort to be able to create something on paper. Vocal has been a wonderful platform for me to grow on and feel safe in doing so. The community is incredible, and the publishers who take the time to make sure quality work is published is a blessing.

My art can inspire words and poetry, and that is new and unexpected. Even closing out 2024-inspired drawings and writings like this poem I wrote called "Goodbye Hello".

Goodbye, Hello

I’m saying goodbye to all the days this past year

many were sad, some filled with cheer

anxiety crept in and anxiety crept out

voices in my head created moments to shout

but a whisper came, an artist’s delight

a spark of creation flourished at night

I found the stars; I found a light

silencing anger, new sights felt bright

a sun, a moon, a galaxy not mine

a world beyond, looking back into time

a healing came forth, a broken soul fixed

my heart beat better, but my creations seemed mixed

sometimes a pen is all I need

to draw a landscape or details in need

a face, a man, a boy, a flower

taking back confidence in art gives me power

a rush, a flash, a dance from the pages

this child inside has not drawn pictures in ages

love and cherish each stroke of the pen

healing is coming, and I don’t even care when

all I know is I feel like a bird with new feathers

a song is singing inside my heart

twenty twenty-five is a chance at a new start

I don't want my New Year resolutions of 2025 to be the type that starts strong and falls off as weeks and months go by. This, of course, is the pattern of so many resolutions. The motivation I have is how much health benefit I am getting for myself.

Medication is wonderful, and it has its place in mental health. The thing I have learned in my journey is that there needs to be something else also in the equation to help assist in the healing process. This has been sketching for me; it may be something else for you. I encourage you to find it.

My big problem is I can’t sit still. I also can’t turn off my brain. My legs jump in place, even when I’m trying to fall asleep. It is the worst. I have tried everything to calm myself and my soul.

I found that doodling or sketching during times that required concentration helped so much—maybe a lecture, a sermon, a recovery group, or just listening to a friend talk.

What I discovered is that it helped me be a better listener, but I also felt rude drawing at the same time as someone talking.

I also only use a black pen. One reason why is that I don’t mind making mistakes when I draw because, in reality, life is about mistakes, and sometimes you can’t erase those mistakes, but you have to work around them and evolve them. Maybe in that mistake, something new and even better can come from it. So as I make mistakes with my drawings, I create new unexpected details that maybe I never planned for in the first place, but exciting to see where they go.

I am naturally a photographer, so framing an image is very natural for me, but when it comes to depth on a flat piece of paper with a pen, I struggle with it a lot. I’m not very good at shading. I’m not very good at drawing body parts dimensions and symmetry, but I’m learning and experimenting, and that’s all part of the fun in growing a new talent.

Here is an example of a mistake I made above. I started drawing a small feather on this paper and then decided I was just going to use it as scrap. I ended up liking the man that I drew, but now I had this weird randomly paced feather at the top of his head, so I started drawing trees out of the top of his head. I had no plans to do that. It was unexpected, but now I feel it makes for a fun, unique, and interesting picture. I am really happy with it. It makes me smile.

I’m also fascinated with the drawing of old men I guess maybe I’m coming to terms with my own mortality as I grow older. I’m in my mid 40s now, gosh I lied, I guess you could say late 40s! My point is, I realize I’m getting old and I’m not the young man; I like to draw old men with characteristics and beards, and maybe a little grumpy. Is this way for me to express where I may be one day? Hopefully not grumpy. I hope to be happy. I’m aiming to be happy. That’s the plan anyway.

A lot of the inspiration I find from other artists, especially on Pinterest. I see something like a pin it and then I try to draw it freehand. Lately, I found robots to be fascinating, especially awkward robots. I like the idea of something a little off, a little goofy, a little crooked. Again, making the point that I am not perfect, but there is beauty in my imperfections.

A big part of my life is my faith. I love to draw crosses, especially ones that feel like they have grown naturally like a tree. I already love drawing trees, so it feels natural to make my crosses be something of a tree in itself.

This one is kind of a self-portrait of me or maybe my son one day, as we both favor each other in looks. I think I like drawing beards on faces because I can hide the details in a beard. Also, side profiles are easier because I don’t have to deal with symmetry, which is something again I’m not strong with.

Animals are fun to draw. I do hope to get better at drawing portraits of animals; deer and bears are ones I am very drawn to, no pun intended.

This is my most recent sketch. Yes, he does feel a little angry, and that’s OK. Sometimes our anger comes out in our eyes. I feel I captured the grumpiness, even though I’m not crazy about the shape of his face. I am happy with his angry eyes.

There you have it. This is how I am expressing and learning to be creative, and an effort to help calm my insides and slow the pace of my mind and my heart so that I can be healthier. Art truly is a wonderful medicine, and thank you for letting me share.

I look forward to what new inspirations flow out from deep inside me; the adventure of covering them all is a joy to share with you. Thank You.