Tonight I Release...

Tonight, I wrote a letter to the full moon. Me and the moon have a special connection. Sometimes, I get out of touch with the moons gravitational pull then I remember my fathers almanac. The pages of the wacky little book tell you everything as it relates to the moon’s perfect timing. My dad mainly uses it for hunting. However, anyone who is interested can grab a copy and use it for anything. Measure how deep your soil needs to be for planting. Understand the best time to mate your hogs or track a particular animals movement.

Today, the moon had other ideas for me. For starters, I woke up and could barely get out of bed. It’s rare I have mornings like this but I do. I thought I was holding up okay emotionally, however, my feelings this morning clearly showed me otherwise. After rolling aimlessly between the sheets on Instagram for an hour, I finally gathered the gumption to put my feet on the floor. As always, I do my grounding exercise to ensure my soul is the driver of today's dollar van. If you don’t ground yourself in the morning by commanding your inner god self to come down from the dimensions she’s been traveling you may be led any ole way.

After my soul and I decided we would drive the same car today inside the meat suit I call a body, I was off to do my morning self care routine. Todays self care practice was to journal. Things have been piling up on this end and I knew my patience and tolerance was hovering right below a boil. As part of the catharsis, I thought, why don’t I light the fireplace? It would be great to call out to the nature spirits that calm our minds while staring into a fire. Next, I couldn’t find the matches to light the fire place.

Things have a place in our home. So this was a breaking point for me. I called my soon to be husband and before he could finish greeting me, I pressed him to spit out where he put the matches. The matches were in the garage. This was the first of several fistful of tears I swallowed this morning. I hung up, furious. Why wouldn’t he bring the matches back inside after using them? Does he not know I depend on structure and order to supplement my peace. Having to walk to the garage to get matches to light the fireplace inside was the last reminder I needed that my life is out of order.

For the past six weeks, we have had a family of five living in our home. Our family already consists of myself, my fiancé and our two big ass dogs. We said yes to the arrangement for a month because why not? We are huge proponents of helping people who are trying to help themselves. Here is this precious family of five: a husband, a wife, an elementary schooler, and two kids under two. Pure chaos-- but sweet. We commend our house guests for all the wonderful help they’ve been. We have even circumvented pre-marital counseling leading up to our wedding. Bearing witness to this other couple's deep-seeded dysfunction has opened doors for us to communicate and align on our family we will create. For the most part, the arrangement has been copacetic. It’s been a huge adjustment to go from just us to us and them but the situation has not been dire.

Until last weekend. Last Friday, the visiting wife’s best friend flew down to spend the weekend with the kids so that mommy and daddy can have some valentines date fun. The friend in a casual remark mentioned the husband was facing allegations. Right, as I’m pouring my HEB brand Texas pecan Keurig coffee about to head out back to sun soak next to my pool, this news is dropped on me. Oh, wow. I’ve been harboring someone I truly do not know.

My mantra is to stay out of mess, but when it's brought inside through my front door, that changes things. I've spent the better part of the last few weeks understanding why my path crossed with this family. I've finally come to the conclusion that in order to heal, I have to lovingly release. I decided to release the demons that dress in this style of clothing and parade around with this song and dance. I've encountered far too many in my journey thus far.

I declare that this is the last time, I have to be tested to learn detached compassion. I now know that I can forgive anyone. So, thank you Universe. I'll take my next blessing now.