Then She Lived

Then She Lived

The pages caressed and tortured her as they told her everything and nothing all at once.

Let me back up to where you may understand.

It was a story as old as time. She sat in her driveway staring at her house, at her bills, with front row seats to view her own demise. She had just lost her job. Her first grown up job, a job she thought she liked enough to bare through it’s tasks day in and out without too much suffering. “What the hell am I to do now?” She yelled into the vacant air surrounding her in the cockpit of her 17 year old car. “how will I ever pay the bills? I’ll lose everything and become miserable.” She panicked in her head. She went inside and pondered her next moves deliberately as if her life was a game of chess. Everything she had and did up until this point had been meticulously calculated. She was calculated. Now for the first time in her life she didn’t know what was coming next. Her box was closing in around her. Her tiny glitch in the universe was falling from the sky and she felt even smaller. She had to escape. She couldn’t breathe. She burst out the door and jumped back in her car. She slammed the shifter into reverse as she backed haphazardly down the driveway. With no idea where she was going she just drove. The vehicle carried her flawlessly to the water. She could smell the salt in the air. She parked and exited her vehicle sprinting for the beach, gasping for air. She breathed in feeling all the life giving particles in each breath. She was overcome by peace in that moment and took inventory of the vibrancy of color that danced delightfully around her. This feels good she thought. I needed this. I want more of this, she seemed to plead to the universe. Just then as if by submissive response to her request, a beautiful effervescent red cardinal landed beside her on a piece of drift wood that lay at her feet. “Well hello dear friend” she exclaimed. The bird hopped away landing at the beginning of what appeared to be a trail of some sort, that led into the woods behind the sand dunes. The bird turned and looked at her as if to invite her along and took an additional hop a little further. It felt right to follow him, so she did. This is great she gloated to herself in her mind. I wanted more of this good feeling and here it is. In that moment she didn’t know what was giving her so much bliss, only that she rather enjoyed the free sensation it was causing from within her. The cardinal stopped and pecked at the ground revealing the slightest corner of a black moleskin notebook. She leaned down and brushed at the leaves and debris that lay encasing the dingy old notebook from the worlds view. She wiped her hand across the cover only smearing it worse, when she noticed suddenly that her friend had gone. He had evaded their game and left her startled and alone. The realization of his absence left her distraught and stricken with anxiety. She had been so focused on following the playful bird that she had no idea where he had led her. She felt the heat leap up into her ears and the dis-ease consume her body. She knew this feeling of impending doom. She had felt it before. It had returned with brute force. She stood devastated turning in circles, trying tragically to search for some sort of bearing. This feels bad. I definitely am not a fan of this feeling she thought out loud. “Okay, breathe, I’m okay, this is okay, it’s all going to be okay” She said soothing herself back into a calmer state of mind. She closed her eyes and inhaled several times taking the air deep into her lungs. She was blissfully reunited with her wing-ed friend upon reopening her eyes. She was so comforted by his return. Instinctively she followed the tiny bird once more, resuming their game, the next time she looked up she could see her car and was once again wrapped in peace. As she neared her car and reached for the door handle she had to shift the little black book to her other hand. Her attention became focused again on the notebook she was still clutching in her grasps. She thumbed it’s pages and thought “this thing must have been under those leaves since 1997. It’s pages were faded and the edges were torn, surprisingly though the words were legible. Her eyes came to rest on a preview of words “...and it begins with gratitude” she read the words out loud allowing them to dance from her lips. She continued to scan the yellow tattered pages of the notebook. “never mind the keys to the city, you can have the keys to the universe” she read on allowing the words to coax and serenade her growing interest. She had seen enough and slammed the book closed excited to enjoy it cover to cover once she returned home. She couldn’t wait to see what this delightful hand written gem had to say, after all she was indeed in need of some new keys to a new universe.

After returning home, she made some coffee, grabbed her favorite comfy blanket and the treasure from this mornings adventure and summoned her dog for snuggles as she curled up in her favorite over stuffed chair and readied herself to explore the pages of the little black book. The words “Between the lines” sat neatly pressed into the cover of the notebook. She began reading the beautifully sculpted words. The pages caressed and tortured her as they told her everything and nothing all at once, forcing her further down the rabbit hole of wonder and truth with each turn of every page. This went on for days and weeks as every page leaves her with something deep to ponder and wade through. Every truth more enticing than the last.

“It starts with gratitude. Be grateful for what you have with nothing as if you had everything, for that is one of life’s most precious gifts.” The notebook had but 160 pages but each one held so much truth and greatness. The book was fixing all of her broken pieces. It was teaching her self love and universal acceptance. It was healing all of her traumas. It was transforming the way she thought, the way she lived.

“It grows with the desire for knowledge and flourishes with acceptance and understanding.” She hung on every word as the words resonated deep within her soul. The universe had gifted her a glorious journey and she was enjoying every moment of it. She chased the knowledge that was unfolding before her. She desired to learn more, to know more. She became at peace with her newfound understandings. With each new reveal of the next piece of the puzzle she bounded through the lessons. She read between the lines. She understood the words that weren’t said. She functioned now free from calculations. She focused on what felt good and what gave her good vibes, and forgot the things and people that didn’t. For the first time she had true belief in being alive. She thrived with passions she never knew she had. She learned how to think, manifest and meditate.

She still had bills to pay but she had been gifted with the knowledge of deliberate creation and the secret to all life. So one night before bed she had found herself on the last page of the notebook and silently read the last stanza of the life renewing book. It said “...and the universe whispered to her, dear soul now that you understand me what are you going to do with me baby?” to which she replied very simply yet profoundly… “Everything” and closed the cover to the book.

She had the wildest thought that night before she went to sleep. I want to manifest something believable to me. Hmmm let’s see she thought. “What could I believe? 20,000” she stated. I believe I will have 20,000 dollars of unexpected income in the next couple of weeks. She sat and surrendered the need to obsess about how that could happen and fully felt the emotions of what it would feel like without any resistance as to why she shouldn’t or couldn’t have it and allowed the thought and the elation to engulf her. I am so grateful for the ability to feel the emotion and the joy before I have the manifestation she spoke out into the air surrounding her. Then she drifted quietly off to sleep. The next day while out running errands in town a flyer floated on the wind gently down to her feet, she stooped to remove the paper from the concrete and was awestruck by the words as she read them out loud: “Enter your story for a chance to win $20,000.00, winners announced the following week.”

This was it, she thought, as she stood filled with contentment. I believe therefor I am she said out loud for the universe to hear. She imagined investing in stocks with the company that created the notebook that changed her life. She imagined being able to publish her book and pursue her dreams. She imagined driving her new car off the lot and how great it would feel and she imagined the right people reading her stories and wanting more of her work. She felt everything, she believed she could have it and then she did. She believed... and then she lived.