The unpublished diary of a 1someteen

I have heard over a million times how these years are the most precious times of your life and how you would never get them back. 'Your teenage hood is going to be the freest you would ever be'. It doesn't feel so free right now.

The process of growth is like reading a manuscript but with no instructions. I'm suppose to be spontaneous but also nonindulgent, intelligent but not too intelligent and God forbid I'm bold and come of as disrespectful and proud. Mistakes? Never heard of them.

Having a perfect teenage hood is the key to having a good adulthood right?

Wrong! We have been conditioned into a monochrome world. We see things how we are taught to see them, how our fathers father's saw them. But it's all a lie. There isn't a wrong or a right. You can be the student with the straightest A's in the world and grow up to be a grumpy adult that works a 9-5 and is still trying to find a purpose to their life. I'm by no means saying good grades don't matter but what is the use of the best of grades when you feel a first class vacuum in your heart everyday.

Teenage hood has taught me to disappoint people as long as it ultimately leads to my happiness, to fulfillment. It even feels so wrong typing it out but what use is a life where I read a society written manuscript of what I should be and hate myself for becoming it. It's not my place to make people comfortable around me.

The future is as uncertain as it can possibly get. But that's the beauty, the uncertainty. Waking up each morning and not knowing if it's going to be a rainy day or a sunny day. Picking out a new outfit every morning. Running into a friend you haven't seen since high school graduation. Locking eyes with a random stranger in a moving vehicle. Finding your new favorite dessert on a random tiktok page.

I know they tell us that we don't have all the time in the world but we do. You are not ephemeral, you are a soul living in a body. Don't get so fixated on the process of growth that the little things like listening to music on your way to school or reapplying lip gloss every two hours means nothing to you. I promise you the journey is as important as the destination ( if there even is something as the end of growth).

Northland college principle John Tapene said it best when he offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth. "Always we hear the cry from teenagers, 'what we can we do, where can we go?'

"My answer is this: Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons and after you have finished, read a book. Your town doesn't owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun..."

There is so much more to life than the reality that you are currently experiencing. Life goes faster that you can imagine. Today you are 15 and can hardly wait for the next morning cause it's your 16th birthday. The next morning you are 25 and hitting snooze on your 6 O'clock alarm and need a hard cup of black coffee to start your day.

Time runs! Whether adulthood is worth all the stress of teenage hood is not a question I can answer for you. You have to stay and experience teenage hood first. Be in this moment and take a second to stop craving another life, another story, another reality. I promise you this one is worth it.