The Struggles of a Young Man

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fighting to carve out a space for myself in this world—a space where my existence is acknowledged not only by those around me but also by myself. It's a fight that has consumed me, often leaving me feeling like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, uncertain whether I should step forward or retreat. I’m a man of 32, two years into a marriage that, on the surface, appears stable, yet internally I wrestle with the weight of expectations, dreams that seem distant, and a career that hasn’t blossomed as I had hoped.

Hope—such a powerful word. People often say it’s what keeps us moving forward, that it’s the driving force behind every struggle and achievement. For me, though, hope has become something of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it gives me the courage to continue striving for more, but on the other, it often leads to crushing disappointment. It feels like I’m constantly reaching for something, only to find myself at a dead end, left wondering why I keep trying in the first place.

The days blend together, filled with a mix of emotions that I can no longer predict or control. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness, even though I’m not truly alone. It’s as if there’s a void inside me, one that no amount of companionship or success could ever truly fill. Other times, I feel deprived—of joy, of fulfillment, of the life I thought I would have by now. And then, in brief moments, there’s happiness, but it never stays long enough to make a lasting impact. I no longer know when to expect these feelings or how to prepare for them. I’ve lost the ability to discern the rhythm of my own emotions.

My career has been one of the greatest sources of frustration. I had envisioned something different, something more fulfilling and aligned with the ideals I once held so dearly. But reality hasn’t matched those ideals. I find myself stuck in a place I never expected to be, working hard yet feeling like I’m standing still. It’s as though the world is moving forward without me, and I’m just an observer, watching others achieve what I’ve longed for. I feel like I’ve made sacrifices for my dreams, but now, those dreams feel out of reach.

The future—something I once looked toward with anticipation—now feels shrouded in darkness. There’s a thick fog that clouds my vision, making it impossible to see what lies ahead. I no longer think about tomorrow because today is already more than I can handle. There was a time when I believed that perseverance and hard work would eventually lead to success and happiness. But that belief has been eroded, bit by bit, by the harsh realities of life.

I’m tired. Exhausted, really. It’s not just physical fatigue but a deep emotional and mental exhaustion that weighs on me every day. I’ve spent so much time and energy fighting against the lies, the injustices, the unfairness that seem to permeate every aspect of life. It’s a relentless battle, one that I’ve been waging for years, and now I feel like I’m losing. The more I fight, the more I realize how futile it all seems. I want to live by the principles I hold dear—truth, fairness, kindness—but the world constantly shows me that these values are often trampled on, ignored, or worse, used against those who believe in them.

I curse the world sometimes. I curse the ideals that once gave me purpose but now feel like chains holding me back. It’s a bitterness that has taken root in me, one that I didn’t want to acknowledge at first but can no longer deny. The anger, the frustration, it all builds up until I’m left wondering how much more I can take.

These feelings are not new. They’ve been with me for a long time, simmering beneath the surface. But today, something feels different. Today, I’m choosing to confront them head-on. Perhaps it’s a turning point, or maybe it’s just another step in this ongoing struggle. I don’t know. What I do know is that I can’t ignore them any longer. I can’t pretend that everything is fine when it’s not.

This is my reality—messy, complicated, and often painful. But maybe, just maybe, acknowledging it fully is the first step toward something better, something that might finally bring a sense of clarity and peace.