The Road to You

Growing Up

When we are kids, we are encouraged to have dreams. Dreams of a wonderful career, family, lifestyle, etc. We are told at an early age that we can be anything and do anything we put our hearts and minds to. As young kids we dream of being actors, president of our country, singers, etc. We set our minds and hearts to be successful and live an amazing life.

So, what happens? When did it all change? How can we make our dreams come true?

Some of us are lucky to grow up with unlimited support to help us achieve our dreams, but some of us are not so lucky. Some of us change our dreams as we get older; the reasons as to why we change our minds are not always clear. Maybe life gets in the way, maybe our dreams are crushed by those who gave up theirs. Maybe we beat ourselves down to believe we are not capable of such achievements. Sometimes we just let our dreams fade while we face situations of a more complicated world.

Pressures

As we all grow up, we face pressure from what seems like every crease of the universe. The pressure can come from peers, family, teachers or even strangers. We grow up thinking we have to conform to society and all "the rules or life." Pressure can be good; it often helps us to push harder at something, either in school or work. Unfortunately, not all pressure is good, and some endure more than others.

So, why is pressure such a big deal? How does it have lifetime effects?

Pressure is what helps us grow and learn in life. Some have little pressure in early development and some have immense pressure. If not dealt with correctly, it can lead to problems with mental and physical health. Sometimes we feel pressured to get straight A's throughout school because we are told that we all have to go to college to succeed in life. Some of us feel pressure to essentially be perfect or close to it, meaning even if we make one mistake, we believe it will follow us forever.

In my opinion, pressure is just a toxic scapegoat that leads us to stress and high levels of anxiety or depression. We all face pressure no matter what and at any and all levels during our life.

Letting People Down

Along with pressure, we have the fear of letting people down. We think the worst possible scenarios, even if it's a tiny mistake, as we grow up, often when we make a mistake or let others down (i.e: not passing a test, not behaving in public, etc.). Depending on your environment, sometimes we have people who will correct us and help us learn from it, but more often we have toxic people who go above disciplining (i.e: physically harming us, verbal and mental harm, etc.).

How does letting people down affect us? Sometimes letting others down can lead us to thoughts of abandonment, extreme ridicule, and sometimes shame. When adding this to pressure, it can be unbearable if not handled properly, leading us to find more faults in ourselves, and sometimes our brain tricks us into believing every negative thought and scenario. We can sometimes handle this in early stages with calming activities, like talking to someone we trust, taking a break, etc.

If we do not learn how to handle negative events and thoughts, it can lead us to self-destructive events. In most cases, we tend to give up on not only life, but ourselves. With pressures and "life's rules," we try so hard to please others that we forget what we want during this lifetime. If you don't have the right support, this can become more toxic and lead to other serious events.

Taking a Break and Reconnecting with Ourselves

When life gets hard, we tend to want to run and hide, hoping someone will come save us. If you are in a place that is toxic or you feel burned out in your current situation, think about taking a break. During your break, you should unplug from toxic people and environments and make a list of what YOU want to do in your life. Try new hobbies, learn new skills or just travel. Reconnecting with yourself is extremely important.

I know wanting to please everyone is one of the biggest issues we can deal with, but you were not put on this planet in this lifetime to please others. Misery loves company, and if someone in your life is making you feel bad about what you do or your goals, then please let them out of your life. It can be hard to let the ones you love out of your life, but if they make you feel bad about doing things that make you happy, then they weren’t meant to stay in your life.

For the ones who had a chance to live their dreams, no matter if it was your first dream or your sixth, I want to congratulate you on never giving up even when times got difficult. For those who never fulfilled their dream, I want to say there is still hope. May it be your first dream or your twentieth dream, you can make it come true. With today's technology and social media presence, you can achieve anything.

If you feel that you cannot do this alone, please look for support either through friends, a professional, or family. You deserve so much, no matter what you were told. Do not lose yourself to fit the "norm of society" or to please others. Take time away to discover what you want. Even if you do not have an ultimate goal at the moment, it will come. Do not lose hope in life or yourself. Take it from someone who has been through darkness and still is unsure of my ultimate dreams. I love trying and learning new things; maybe one day I'll discover my dream, but for now I'm happy to do what I want. Focus on you and don’t worry about pleasing others, the ones who truly love and support you will stay by your side.

Best wishes to you!