The Problem Is You

Have you ever felt sucked into a time wasting endeavor? You feel like you can't help but correct or address a legitimate problem with something someone said or posted?

Good news, it's your fault. And as world famous and renowned businessman Gary Vaynerchuk has stated, if something is your fault, then you can fix it.

All too often I want to jump in and correct propaganda. To correct illogical thinking. To be quite fair and honest about it, my ego thinks pretty highly of me. Yet, after I jump in and "prove how smart I am" I feel empty and annoyed that I wasted my time with something that was of little real significance and the person I was attempting to correct really didn't give two shits about what I was trying to say.

This isn't to say we shouldn't combat mistruths, half-truths and outright lies as often as we can, after all Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, stated that one word of truth outweighs the whole world. So what gives? Why is it my fault that I feel empty, annoyed or upset that I wasted my time telling someone the truth?

The fact of the matter, the truth, since we're on about the truth, is that not many people want the truth. They want something close enough to the truth to allow them to be seen as good people. They want something that closely resembles truth, but isn't actually truth. Which makes delivering truth to them extremely problematic. They simply are not receptive to it because they either don't have the capability to see the truth, the truth is in direct opposition to their beliefs, the truth is slightly more nuanced than they'd like it to be, or they believe that ninety nine percent true is true enough and that pesky one percent they leave out is rather annoying to them, like a gnat in your face on a hot summer day.

Again, how is it our fault? How are we responsible? And if we're responsible, then how can we fix it? Simply stated, do not waste your time on people that you know will not be receptive to the truth. Easier said than done though right? As much as I preach this, it is still incredibly difficult for me to practice at times. I still, more often than I'd like, find myself throwing my hands up in frustration after commenting or engaging with someone in vain. It was my fault. I chose to engage. I chose to enter into the conversation and whatever frustration I feel, is truly at the heart of the matter...my fault.

Humans are simple and complex creatures, we live in a world of nuance where the morality or decency of an action can be totally dictated by the situation. Take speeding on the highway for instance.

Speeding to get away from a reckless and aggressive driver? Good.

Speeding to show off how big your metaphorical genitalia is? Bad, and pretty lame to boot.

However, we also live in a world where there is no room for nuance, like in the realm of pedophilia. That is always always always always always always, always wrong and should be punished in the most egregious, violent and catastrophic way possible. Wood chippers come to mind.

So how do we execute our desire to be truthful in a world of circumstantial and absolute morality? Where the truth can sometimes be hard to determine and also downright obvious?

The key here is relationship. Do you have the kind of quality relationship with the person you're interacting with in which truth, however hurtful it may be when it's expressed is valued? If not, then the answer is clear. Don't interact. Don't be at fault.

Numerous religions have coined the same principle in their books of wisdom, but the most common comes from the Judeo-Christian text Proverbs, wherein we are encouraged to not cast pearls before pigs. It's not to say that people are pigs, but rather to say that a pearl has no value to a pig. The two could not be more diametrically opposed to one another in terms of utility.

These pointless interactions zap us of our energy and bring out the worst in us due to our egotistical need to be right. You can be an advocate for truth and still not waste your time, energy, happiness and peace of mind on people or interactions that will not find value. After all, by ignoring truth, being calloused to it's harshness, who is really missing out?

It is up to you to choose how to spend your time. The same as it is up to me and how I spend mine. Choose to spend your time wisely, choose to interact with who you know will find value in that interaction. Accept responsibility for the fact that sometimes you overestimate the relationships you have with people and honestly, that's just part of life. But it's not their fault, it's yours. And that's ok. Because you can fix it. Choose to not be your own worst enemy.