The Power of Positivity

Negativity is a swirling vortex of spinning darkness. It's in you're mind, it affects your mood, your outlook, and the amount of effort you put into things.

I can't do it.

I'm not good enough.

No one likes me.

I'm alone.

Intrusive thoughts only add to it, and make the vortex spin faster and seem darker.

And sometimes you can't help it. It's human nature to be negative.

And negativity is a hard demon to fight. Because at the end of the day, no one can comfort you. No one can make it go away. No matter how hard we try, or your family tries or your friends try, that negativity is stuck inside you. Because that's what you've trained yourself to be.

It wasn't on purpose. It wasn't something you intended on setting out to be. It happens through life. If someone has betrayed you, hurt you, abused you. If you didn't grow up with enough encouragement. Hell, even people who have charmed lives suffer from negativity.

Sometimes it's engrained so deep into your mind that it feels like it will drown you in the darkness.

Thankfully, you can retrain your brain. Yes, you can literally retrain your brain. You can retrain your brain, so that you can think in positives. The brain is an organ, but it has chemical memory. So when you give in to negativity, it continues to sink into that.

I'm still working on it myself, but I find myself much more positive after some simple behavior training. It's not easy, it's not like after one day of practice you wake up a happier, more positive person.

With hard work, you can reshape your thinking so that you never have to think in negatives again. The trick is that you, and ONLY you, choose your thoughts.

The first step is accepting responsibility. These thoughts in your head, you are choosing them. That's the hardest pill to swallow when it comes to retraining your brain. I know that for me, my negativity came from trauma, anxiety, and depression.

When it came to breaking my cycle of trauma, I had to come to terms that I was partly responsible for my trauma. And the same issue comes with retraining your brain. You have to be emotionally and mentally mature enough to understand that YOU are responsible for your negativity because it's coming from within. Not without.

Sure, people around you can contribute - with abuse or cruelty. But you choose whether or not you feed into it, and give in to the negativity. And that is the very first step. You won't be able to proceed into positivity until you understand that YOU can choose to be positive. Or you can feed into the darkness. And that darkness is alluring and seductive. So fighting it is hard. Luckily I have a few things to help - and not all of it involves turning on pop or Latino music and dancing the negative away (which is something that does help! Music and movement are keys to dopamine!)

Amazon has some amazing books that can help you learn to retrain your brain. You can also use your own coping strategies. For a few recommendations, this book on Retraining your Brain with Cognitive Therapy has some very useful tools that help you. Therapy is hard to keep up with, and if that's not a lifestyle you can use, this book teaches you what professionals will teach you to retrain your brain to conquer anxiety and depression, and teaches you how to get to the root of what causes your negativity.

Habits of a Happy Brain is a book that helps you figure out activities that you can do to boost your happy chemicals to battle the negativity that will help you battle chemical imbalances that cause you to feel negative. Another useful book you can use is Cognitive Therapy in 7 weeks. These books aren't the key to everything, but they will be able to teach you all the sciency stuff, and the professional stuff that I'm not qualified to teach you. They are extremely useful. I've read a few books like this myself. And believe me, if you actually practice what you read, it does help.

I have a method of my own personal use too. Every time I think something negative, I have to come up with at least 3 positive things opposing the intrusive negative thought that crept into my mind.

One of the intrusive thoughts I still have a lot is the thought that I am useless to my family, that I am a burden. A lot of this stems from the fact that I'm a published author of a book that never took off (it's a good book, I just didn't have the marketing knowledge that I do now), I've got a college degree that is basically useless, and I don't make a lot of money. I'm a substitute teacher for Pre-K so I don't work a lot.

When I have this thought, I remind myself of all the things that I do to provide for my family. I am the cook of the house, and my family loves coming home to dinner made and the house smelling of food heaven. I keep the house clean(ish). I keep the children healthy, happy, fed, and clean. I am the rock for the love of my life when he's feeling unsteady.

I'm not a burden. It doesn't stop this negative thought from creeping in, but I have come up with a list to battle it. I am armed with a list of positive things for my intrusive negative thoughts that happen most commonly.

The first step I suggest is sitting down and facing your most common intrusive thoughts, and writing a list of positives that counter them. Keep these lists on hand, and read them when you are feeling low - and soon you'll have it memorized. Every time the thought comes in, say the positive things out loud. Seek validation from your loved ones if you can.

And if that doesn't help - again the music and movement help a lot.

The key is remembering, you are in charge of your own thoughts. And if you put effort into having a positive one, life will improve. You will get better, and over time, using the tools in the books and your own coping method to battle the intrusive thoughts, it'll become a habit. It'll become easier. You can choose to fight the negativity, you can be positive. It just takes practice, determination, and a conscious effort. And like all things that are worth it, it'll take time.

I believe in you. And you're not alone in this fight. I'm in it with you, and so are countless others.

Good luck to you, and your journey of changing your life for the better.

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