The Power of Perception- Free Yourself from Your 'self'

What is one thing that no one can take from you or force you to do without your will? How you choose to see things.

Not even twins can see the 'same' thing, the same way.

We all have unique factors that contribute to how we view any given situation and any inanimate object.

The traumas you may have endured and certain experiences and memories definitely shape how you see and interact with the world to this day. Most of how you see is through the lens of unconscious patterns that you don't know are running the show.

I am currently taking the TEFL (Teaching English in Foreign Language) course through The International House at UC Berekeley in conjunction with Teachaway and the inspiration for this piece arose from a segment on how teaching abroad or dealing with different cultures can be challenging if we don't take the time to get curious about what's bubbling underneath the surface.

Doesn't this sound like it can be applied to all the division we are feeling these days?

I find it extremely fascinating how we humans have this brain and this ability to judge/reason although how often is it serving us?

Optional Reflection/Journal Questions:

• How am I being extra hard on myself lately? What is the root of it? What is the fear lying beneath it.
• Check in on projections - are you projecting pain onto others or vice versa What can you do to invite more gentleness to help all parties see things differently to create more peace and understanding?
• What simple acts can you do for yourself that help you feel good and create more joy?

We've heard of the science of unconscious bias and if you aren't familiar there's a whole host of sources to check out.

To me, unconscious bias is that quick reflex similar to Malcolm Gladwell's thesis in Blink that we see things in a blink of an eye based on the past.

In my opinion, this instant flash is based on who knows what - could be anything to what your dad said that was perhaps racist when you were a kid, a movie you watched where you learned a certain behavior and then repeated without thinking and on and on on.

When you watch the news or take in information about people with differing opinions, how often do you get upset and judgmental without getting curious first? Without knowing what is under their iceberg?

No judgment on you of course. I am inviting you to get curious on your knee-jerk reactions and take the time to question them.

Again, are they serving you? Do you feel good? Do you feel connected when you have these automatic thoughts and judgments?

If you are new to the iceberg reference let me summarize it for you.

We are all walking icebergs seeing the tippy top of who we really are. We see the behaviors yet we don't see what's below - the drivers to those behaviors.

For example, you see someone rude or not acting or behaving a certain way, do you ever consider what may be going on with them?

As the saying goes - Hurt people hurt people.

When you see someone acting out, can you authentically have compassion for them? Even being curious rather than judgmental can shift things to create space for an opening; an opening to soften and see them as another human being doing the best they can, like you and like me.

What can you do? What inspired action can you choose to take to elicit more compassion for yourself which will naturally extend to others?

1. Appreciation - Even the smallest thing authentically in the moment can shift your perspective
2. Humility - Don't be hard on yourself, ever, it's easier said than done but mastering this can release so much wasted energy in resistance and judgment
3. Learn + Get Curious - Ask questions, it's always fun to learn and remember there is nothing to fix or compare yourself to
4. Embrace Commonalities - We all have something in common, focus on that versus the differences that may ignite negative feelings
5. Take a walk, get out in nature - Create more space to allow your wisdom to come through and guide you

The trick is to make it a game for yourself. Make things fun, playful and awaken your curiosity. 'You will then work towards developing behaviors that can turn negative thoughts and judgements into inquisitiveness, curiosity and openness to difference. ' *TEFL Course

Resources that have supported me on my journey:

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz, this book can literally save your life yet as humans, we make it more complicated. Guilty over here! Yet I keep coming back to it as life is a practice, we are never done learning and growing.

The Power of Now - by Eckhart Tolle, I first found this book when I think I was 19 and hated it, everything he said I was like WTF?! It can't be that easy and things finally started clicking into place slowly in the last few years and of course my ego would try to shut it down and have me live unconscious.

A Course in Miracles - channeled by Dr. Helen Schucman, this came into my life at the perfect time and supported the rekindling of my relationship with the 'G word' and certain terms that are uncomfortable with many of us, especially those who were raised in strict Christian religions.

In yoga we say little 's'elf and capital 'S'elf to simply acknowledge we live in duality. We can't have one without the other. You have a smaller self aka the ego (no judgment meaning one is better than or less than because everything serves a purpose you get to choose which one drives the bus!) And the 'S'elf can represent Soul, God, Inner Being whatever you want to call it or not, that is connected to the whole, the universe the infinite wisdom or Source; again whatever you want to call it.

Walking this path, committed to your best life is no easy feat. It's not for everyone. A lot of uncomfortable digging around amplified by the people closest to you it's really your ego saying you sure you don't believe these ugly lies you tell yourself that these people are acting out for you? Are you sure? You're so used to it it's what you've known it's easier it's the way things have been done...

You gotta rise above all that noise if you want to live your most joyful authentic life and once you're on the other side the fun part is the work is never done! You keep expanding and growing and unlocking more and more of your innate talents and gifts.

Bottom Line: Cut yourself and everyone else some extra slack. Give yourself the gift of compassion and when you do that you naturally are sourced to extend it to others; not from a place of pity but rather empathy or just the gift of truly seeing yourself and the other - no story, no agenda nothing broken to fix - the beauty, perfection and oneness of it all.

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I welcome your thoughts and feelings or what comes up for you after reading my pieces. Feel free to email me anytime.

Shine Bright No Matter What Is Going On,

Nicolette

References from TEFL Course

Bennett, Milton (1993). Towards Ethnorelativism: A developmental model of intercultural sensitivity. In R. Michael Paige (Ed.), Education for the Intercultural Experience (pp. 21-71). Yarmouth, ME: Intercultural Press.

Lysgaard, Sverre (1955). Adjustment in a foreign society: Norwegian Fulbright grantees visiting the United States. International Social Science Bulletin, 7, 45-51.